Pen-portraits of literary women : $b by themselves and others, Volume 2 (of 2)
General
Pen-portraits of literary women : $b by themselves and others, Volume 2 (of 2)
Authors, English -- Biography; Women authors, English -- Biography
My father instructed me himself. The effect of this was so far
good that, not passing through the hands of many ignorant and weak
persons, as so many do at preparatory schools, I was put at once under
discipline of considerable severity, and, at the same time, had a
more than ordinarily high standard presented to me. My father was a
man of business, even in literature; he had been a high scholar at
college, and was warmly attached to all he had learned there, both
from the pleasure he had derived in the exercise of his faculties and
the associated memories of success and good repute. He was, beside,
well read in French literature, and in English, a Queen Anne’s man. He
hoped to make me the heir of all he knew, and of as much more as the
income of his profession enabled him to give me means of acquiring. At
the very beginning, he made one great mistake, more common, it is to
be hoped, in the last generation, than the warning of physiologists
will permit it to be with the next. He thought to gain time by bringing
forward the intellect as early as possible. Thus, I had tasks given me,
as many and various as the hours would allow, and on subjects beyond
my age; with the additional disadvantage of reciting to him in the
evening, after he returned from his office. As he was subject to many
interruptions, I was often kept up till very late; and as he was a
severe teacher, both from his habits of mind and his ambition for me,
my feelings were kept on the stretch till the recitations were over.
Thus, frequently I was sent to bed several hours too late, with nerves
unnaturally stimulated. The consequence was a premature development
of the brain, that made me a “youthful prodigy” by day, and by night
a victim of spectral illusions, nightmare, and somnambulism, which,
at the time, prevented the harmonious development of my bodily powers
and checked my growth, while, later, they induced continual headache,
weakness, and nervous affections of all kinds. As these again reacted
on the brain, giving undue force to every thought and every feeling,
there was finally produced a state of being both too active and too
intense, which wasted my constitution.... No one understood this
subject of health then. No one knew why this child, already kept up
so late, was still unwilling to retire. My aunts cried out upon the
“spoiled child, the most unreasonable child that ever was--if brother
could but open his eyes to see it--who was never willing to go to bed.”
They did not know that, so soon as the light was taken away, she seemed
to see colossal faces advancing slowly towards her, the eyes dilating,
and each feature swelling loathsomely as they come, till at last, when
they were about to close upon her, she started up with a shriek which
drove them away, but only to return when she lay down again.... No
wonder the child arose and walked in her sleep, moaning all over the
house, till once, when they heard her, and came and waked her, and
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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