"Mr. Gubb," said the City Attorney, "I can tell you about those
bottles of beer. If those bottles of beer came from my house Aunt
Martha Turner goes to the penitentiary. If she does not go to the
penitentiary, there are no bottles of beer and there is no
beer-opener. And never were!"
"I told her she had done a foolish, foolish thing!" exclaimed Mrs.
Wilmerton.
"Just so! And it _was_ foolish," said Attorney Mullen, "_If_ it was
done. And, if it was done, and Snooks Turner telephoned, and I thought
he meant the burglary, I would, naturally, assault him."
"You hurt him bad," said Philo Gubb.
"And I meant to!" said Attorney Mullen.
All turned toward the door, where Policeman Fogarty entered with
Snooksy and Nan.
"I've done ivrything I cud t' quiet th' matter up," said Fogarty to
Mullen, thus explaining his interest in the affair.
"I like jail," said Snooks cheerfully. "I'm going to stay in jail."
Aunt Martha Turner interrupted him. She came into the kitchen like a
gust of wind, scattering the others like leaves, and threw her arms
around her nephew Snooksy.
"Oh, my Snooksy! My Snooksy!" she moaned. "Don't you love your old
auntie any more? Won't you be a good boy for your poor old auntie?
Don't you love her at all any more?"
"Sure," said Snooks happily. "A fellow can love you in jail, can't
he?"
"But won't you come out?" she pleaded. "Everybody wants you to come
out, dear, dear boy. See--they all want you to come out. Every last
one of them. Please come out."
"Oh, I like it in jail," said Snooks. "It gives me time for
meditation. Well, good-bye, folks, I'll be going back."
His aunt grasped him firmly by the arm and wailed. So did Nan.
"But, Snooksy," begged Mrs. Turner, "don't you know they'll send me to
the penitentiary if you go back to that old jail?"
"Yes, but don't you care, auntie. They say the penitentiary is nicer
than the jail. Better doors. Nobody can break in and steal things from
you."
"Snooks Turner!" said his aunt. "You know as well as I do that Mr.
Mullen will forgive and forget, if you will. Would you rather see me
go to prison--suffer?"
"No, of course not, auntie," said Snooks, laughing. "But you see, I've
hired Detective Gubb to work on this case, and if there's no case, it
will not be fair to him. He's all worked up about it. He's so eager to
be at it that he has almost come down from the top of that ladder. In
another day or two he would come all the way down, and then there's
no telling what would happen. No, I'm a newspaper man. I want Philo
Gubb to discover something we don't know anything about."
"I might start in trailing and shadowing somebody that hasn't anything
to do with this case," suggested Philo Gubb. "That wouldn't discommode
none of you folks, and I'd sort of feel as if I was giving you your
money's worth. Somebody has been writin' on the front of the Methodist
Church with black chalk. I might try to detect who done that."
"But that would be a very difficult job," said Snooks.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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