will find no ordinary culture and intelligence, and, as certainly, he
will meet with a social spirit and a wholesouled heartiness that will
make the place a lasting memory. The town, too, is the home of many
world-known notables, and a host of local celebrities, the chief of
which latter class I found, during my stay there, in the person of
Tommy Stafford, or "The Wild Irishman" as everybody called him.
"Talk of odd fellows and eccentric characters," said Major Blowney, my
employer, one afternoon, "you must see our 'Wild Irishman' here before
you say you've yet found the queerest, brightest, cleverest chap in
all your travels. What d'ye say, Stockford?" And the Major paused in
his work of charging cartridges for his new breech-loading shotgun and
turned to await his partner's response.
Stockford, thus addressed, paused above the shield-sign he was
lettering, slowly smiling as he dipped and trailed his pencil through
the ivory black upon a bit of broken glass and said, in his
deliberate, half-absent-minded way,--"Is it Tommy you're telling him
about?" and then, with a gradual broadening of the smile, he went on,
"Well, I should say so. Tommy! What's come of the fellow, anyway? I
haven't seen him since his last bout with the mayor, on his trial for
shakin' up that fast-horse man."
"The fast-horse man got just exactly what he needed, too," said the
genial Major, laughing, and mopping his perspiring brow. "The fellow
was barkin' up the wrong stump when he tackled Tommy! Got beat in the
trade, at his own game, you know, and wound up by an insult that no
Irishman would take; and Tommy just naturally wore out the hall carpet
of the old hotel with him!"
"And then collared and led him to the mayor's office himself, they
say!"
"Oh, he did!" said the Major, with a dash of pride in the
confirmation; "that's Tommy all over!"
"Funny trial, wasn't it?" continued the ruminating Stockford.
"Wasn't it though?" laughed the Major.
"The porter's testimony: You see, he was for Tommy, of course, and on
examination testified that the horse-man struck Tommy first. And there
Tommy broke in with: 'He's a-meanin' well, yer Honor, but he's lyin'
to ye--he's lyin' to ye. No livin' man iver struck me first--nor last,
nayther, for the matter o' that!' And I
thought--the--court--would--die!" concluded the Major, in a like
imminent state of merriment.
"Yes, and he said if he struck him first," supplemented Stockford,
"he'd like to know why the horseman was 'wearin' all the black eyes,
and the blood, and the boomps on the head of um!' And it's that talk
of his that got him off with so light a fine!"
"As it always does," said the Major, coming to himself abruptly and
looking at his watch. "Stock', you say you're not going along with our
duck-shooting party this time? The old Kankakee is just lousy with 'em
this season!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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