Riley courted Sally Hopkins In a quiet way; When he saw Jim Dobsen kiss her, "Just my luck!" he'd say. Leap Year came, and Mandy Perkins Sought his company; Riley sighed, and married Mandy-- "Just my luck!" he'd say. Riley took his wife out fishing In a little boat; Storm blew up and turned them over; Mandy couldn't float. Riley sprang into the river, Seized her by the hair. Swam a mile into the shore where Friends pulled out the pair. Mandy was so full of water Seemed she'd surely die. Doctors worked with her two hours Ere she moved an eye. They told Riley she was better; Doctors were in glee. Riley chewed an old pine splinter-- "Just my luck!" says he. "Not So Much a Tam Fool" A man without a collar, wearing a white vest and holes in his elbows, walked briskly into a Congress Street grocery last Saturday with a package in his hand and said: "Here, Fritz, I bought two dozen eggs here this afternoon, and I find your clerk made a mistake, I--" "Coom here, Emil," shouted the grocer, "you hof dis shentleman sheated mit dos rotten eggs. Gif him ein dozen more, und--" "But you don't understand me," said the man, with a pleasant smile. "The mistake is the other way. The eggs are all right; but you have given me too many. I only paid for two dozen, and on reaching home I find three dozen in the sack. I want to return the extra dozen, and I came back at once. I--" "Emil!" shouted the grocer again to his boy. "Gif dis man two dozen eggs at vonce. You haf sheated him mit pad eggs. Don'd you do dot any more times or I discharge you." "But, sir," said the man with the white vest, anxiously. "You gave me too many eggs for my money, and I want to return a dozen. I am too honest to--" "Emil," said the grocer, "gif dis man t'ree dozen goot fresh eggs at vonce and let him go. Ve makes pad eggs good ven ve sells dem. Hurry up quick and put in drei or four extra vons." "But, listen to me, sir," said the man. "I want to--" "Say, mein frindt," said the grocer in a lower voice, "you petter dake dose eggs und go home. I know vat you pring pack dose eggs for. If I dake dem, I say, 'Veil, dot is ein very good man; he vas honest py dose eggs, aind't it?' Den you coom pack Monday und you puy nine tollers' vorth of vlour and paeon and canned goots, and you say you bay me Saturday night. I was not so much a tarn fool as eferypody say I look like. You petter dake dose t'ree dozen eggs and call it skvare. Ve always correct leedle misdakes ven ve make dem. Emil, you petter make it t'ree dozen und a half fur good measure, and put in two t'ree stick candy for die kinder." A Guess-Proof Mystery Story