"You're at the wrong place," said Cerberus. "This is the gate that leads to the infernal regions, while it is a passport to Heaven that you have handed me." "I know it," said the departed shade wearily, "but it allows a stopover here; you see, I'm from Galveston and I have got to make the change gradually." Even Worse Two Houston men were going home one rainy night last week, and as they stumbled and plowed through the mud across one of the principal streets, one of them said: "This is hell, isn't it?" "Worse," said the other. "Even hell is paved with good intentions." The Shock A man with a very pale face, wearing a woolen comforter and holding a slender stick in his hand, staggered into a Houston drug store yesterday and leaned against the counter, holding the other hand tightly against his breast. The clerk got a graduating glass, and poured an ounce of spiritus frumenti into it quickly, and handed it to him. The man drank it at a gulp. "Feel better?" asked the clerk. "A little. Don't know when I had such a shock. I can hardly stand. Just a little more, now--" The clerk gave him another ounce of whisky. "My pulse has started again, I believe," said the man. "It was terrible, though!" "Fell off a wagon?" asked the clerk. "No, not exactly." "Slip on a banana peel?" "I think not. I'm getting faint again, if you--" The obliging clerk administered a third dose of the stimulant. "Street car run over you?" he asked. "No," said the pale man. "I'll tell you how it was. See that red-faced man out there swearing and dancing on the corner?" "Yes." "He did it. I don't believe I can stand up much longer. I--thanks." The man tossed off the fourth reviver and began to look better. "Shall I call a doctor?" asked the clerk. "No, I guess not. Your kindness has revived me. I'll tell you about it. I have one of those toy spiders attached to a string at the end of this stick, and I saw that red-faced man sitting on a doorstep with his back to me, and I let the spider down over his head in front of his nose. I didn't know who he was, then. "He fell over backwards and cut his ear on the foot-scraper and broke a set of sixty-dollar false teeth. That man is my landlord and I owe him $37 back rent, and he holds a ten-dollar mortgage on my cow, and has already threatened to break my back. I slipped in here and he hasn't seen me yet. The shock to my feelings when I saw who it was, was something awful. If you have a little more of that spirits now, I--" The Cynic Junior Partner: Here's an honest firm! Sharp and Simpson send us a check for $50 in addition to their monthly account, to cover difference in price of a higher grade of goods shipped them last time by mistake. Senior Partner: Do they give us another order? Junior Partner: Yes! The longest they have ever made. Senior Partner: Ship 'em COD. * * * * * "Well! how are they coming?" "I'm getting a move on me," said the checkerboard.