Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three actsShiels, George
General
Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three acts
Shiels, George
Comedy plays; English drama -- Irish authors
PAUL. I didn’t see much harm in asking a good girl to look at the
plastering, God bless it. And by the same token, I thought yourself was
upstairs the while.
DEEGAN [_sharply_]. That will do, sir!
PAUL. What will do, sir?
DEEGAN. I want no more of that.
PAUL. Oh, very well, all right! [_Takes off his jacket._] If you want
no more of it, neither do I.... Give me three days’ pay and let me back
to a dacent country....
DEEGAN [_stands up_]. You have taken me up wrong, sir. I didn’t mean
you to stop work. I meant you to stop lying.
PAUL. That’s worse again! [_Pitches the jacket on the floor._] My
three days’ pay, or an apology. Now suit yourself.
DEEGAN. An apology? For what?
PAUL. For as good as calling me a liar. [_Loudly_] Devil recaive the
spark of plaster I’ll put on the wall till you apologise! And for
little, I’d plaster the house with writs for defamation of character.
DEEGAN. Writs! I’ve been in the Four Courts of Dublin in my time.
PAUL. And from what I hear, you’ve dragooned the whole parish ever
since.... But by my sowl, you won’t dragoon Paul Twyning! You were only
a week-end in Dublin, but I was born and raised and educated in it.
DEEGAN. You’re a great credit to it.... But go on with the
plastering. I withdraw the words I said ... or perhaps you’d prefer a
written apology?
PAUL. Oh, the verbal repudiation will satisfy my honour. But since
you’ve raised my dander I’ll press for full trades union rights. As a
journeyman I’m entitled to bring in any man, woman, or child to examine
my work. That’s how we tradesmen build up a reputation.
DEEGAN. Just so. Who will you invite next?
PAUL. Daisy Mullan’s aunt, for one. She has a bedroom wants a
ceiling.
DEEGAN. Miss Mullan’s aunt will be very welcome.
PAUL. And Denis M’Gothigan’s pantry needs new lath and plaster.
[_Picks up his jacket._] I’ll have my full rights, or down tools. [_Goes
into the room._]
DEEGAN. That tramp scoundrel has more in his mind than plastering....
I hope you gave no promise of any kind to the slut?
DAN. No promise, fader. Thank God, amen.
DEEGAN. If you have, I’ll deal drastically with you. I’ll march you
to Derry quay and put you aboard the emigrant ship, with my own hands.
Mind that.
DAN [_shivers_]. You wouldn’t do that, fader dear.
DEEGAN. Try to thwart me, or disobey me, and you’ll see.... I have
done it with your brothers and sisters when I was less independent than
I’m now, and I’ll do it with you, too. [_Holds up his hand._] Do you see
that hand on my body?
DAN. Yes, fader.
DEEGAN. May it wither if I don’t make an example of you!
DAN [_trembles_]. But I’m not trying to twart you, fader. I’ve no
mind to twart you.
DEEGAN. Not to my face. But the moment you get my back turned, you
have a dirty M’Gothigan cocked in your dead mother’s chair.... May the
Most High keep me in temper....
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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