Psmith in the CityWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Psmith in the City
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
Spirituous liquor helps to counteract the influence of these things,
and so does exhilarating conversation. Unfortunately, at Mr Waller's
table there was neither. The cashier's views on temperance were not
merely for the platform; they extended to the home. And the company was
not of the exhilarating sort. Besides Psmith and Mike and their host,
there were four people present--Comrade Prebble, the orator; a young
man of the name of Richards; Mr Waller's niece, answering to the name
of Ada, who was engaged to Mr Richards; and Edward.
Edward was Mr Waller's son. He was ten years old, wore a very tight
Eton suit, and had the peculiarly loathsome expression which a snub
nose sometimes gives to the young.
It would have been plain to the most casual observer that Mr Waller was
fond and proud of his son. The cashier was a widower, and after five
minutes' acquaintance with Edward, Mike felt strongly that Mrs Waller
was the lucky one. Edward sat next to Mike, and showed a tendency to
concentrate his conversation on him. Psmith, at the opposite end of the
table, beamed in a fatherly manner upon the pair through his eyeglass.
Mike got on with small girls reasonably well. He preferred them at a
distance, but, if cornered by them, could put up a fairly good show.
Small boys, however, filled him with a sort of frozen horror. It was
his view that a boy should not be exhibited publicly until he reached
an age when he might be in the running for some sort of colours at a
public school.
Edward was one of those well-informed small boys. He opened on Mike
with the first mouthful.
'Do you know the principal exports of Marseilles?' he inquired.
'What?' said Mike coldly.
'Do you know the principal exports of Marseilles? I do.'
'Oh?' said Mike.
'Yes. Do you know the capital of Madagascar?'
Mike, as crimson as the beef he was attacking, said he did not.
'I do.'
'Oh?' said Mike.
'Who was the first king--'
'You mustn't worry Mr Jackson, Teddy,' said Mr Waller, with a touch of
pride in his voice, as who should say 'There are not many boys of his
age, I can tell you, who _could_ worry you with questions like
that.'
'No, no, he likes it,' said Psmith, unnecessarily. 'He likes it. I
always hold that much may be learned by casual chit-chat across the
dinner-table. I owe much of my own grasp of--'
'I bet _you_ don't know what's the capital of Madagascar,'
interrupted Mike rudely.
'I do,' said Edward. 'I can tell you the kings of Israel?' he added,
turning to Mike. He seemed to have no curiosity as to the extent of
Psmith's knowledge. Mike's appeared to fascinate him.
Mike helped himself to beetroot in moody silence.
His mouth was full when Comrade Prebble asked him a question. Comrade
Prebble, as has been pointed out in an earlier part of the narrative,
was a good chap, but had no roof to his mouth.
'I beg your pardon?' said Mike.
Comrade Prebble repeated his observation. Mike looked helplessly at
Psmith, but Psmith's eyes were on his plate.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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