MRS. ARD. (_fluttered and flattered_). I'm sure you're exceedingly kind to say so, and I can say the same for myself. I hope we may become better acquainted. (_To herself, after MRS. ALLBUTT has departed._) I've quite taken to that woman--she's so thoroughly the lady, and moves in very high society, too. You can tell that from the way she talks. What's that paper on the table? (_She picks up a journal in a coloured wrapper._) "_Society Snippets, the Organ of the Upper Ten. One Penny._" The very thing I wanted. It's such a comfort to know who's who. (_She opens it and reads sundry paragraphs headed "Through the Keyhole."_) Now how funny this is! Here's the very same thing about the dulness of the Season that she said. That shows she must be really in it. And a note about Lady Neuraline being about to recruit at Homburg. And another about her reputation or eccentricity, and her "sweetness to the select few privileged to be her intimates." And here's all about Lord Mango, and what a pleasant house Capsicums is, and his marriage, and the Duke of Dragnet's, too. Her information was very correct, I must say! (_A light begins to break in upon her._) I wonder whether----but there--people of her sort wouldn't require to read the papers for such things. [_Here the door opens, and MRS. ALLBUTT appears, in some embarrassment._ MRS. ALL. (_scrutinising the tables_). Oh, it's nothing. I thought I'd left something of mine here; it was only a paper--I see I was mistaken, don't trouble. MRS. ARD. (_producing Society Snippets_). I expect it will be this. (_MRS. ALLBUTT'S face reveals her ownership._) I took it up, not knowing it was yours. (_Meaningly_.) It has some highly interesting information, I see. MRS. ALL. (_slightly demoralised_). Oh, has it? I--I've not had time to glance at it yet. Pray don't let me deprive you of it. I dare say there's very little in it I don't know already. MRS. ARD. So I should have thought. (_To herself, after MRS. ALLBUTT has retired in disorder._) Fancy that woman trying to take me in like that, and no more in Society than I am--if so much! However, I've found her out before going too far--luckily. And I've a good mind to take in this _Society Snippets_ myself--it certainly does improve one's conversation. She won't have it _all_ her own way _next_ time! [Illustration] A TESTIMONIAL MANQUÉ. (A SKETCH FROM THE SUBURBS.) _THE ARGUMENT.--Mr. Hotspur Porpentine, a distinguished resident in the rising suburb of Jerrymere, has recently been awarded fourteen days' imprisonment, without the option of a fine, for assaulting a ticket-collector, who had offered him the indignity of requiring him to show his season-ticket at the barrier. The scene is a Second-Class Compartment, in which four of Mr. Porpentine's neighbours are discussing the affair during their return from the City._