MR. COCKCROFT (_warmly_). I say, Sir--and I'm sure all here will bear me out--that such a sentence was a scandalous abuse of justice. As a near neighbour, and an intimate friend of Porpentine's, I don't 'esitate to assert that he has done nothing whatever to forfeit our esteem. He's a quick-tempered man, as we're all aware, and to be asked by some meddlesome official to show his season, after travelling on the line constantly for years, and leaving it at home that morning--why--_I_ don't blame him if he _did_ use his umbrella! MR. BALCH (_sympathetically_). Nor I. Porpentine's a man I've always had a very 'igh respect for ever since I came into this neighbourhood. I've always found him a good feller, and a good neighbour. MR. FILKINS (_deferentially_). I can't claim to be as intimate with him as some here; but, if it isn't putting myself too far forward to say so, I very cordially beg to say ditto to those sentiments. MR. SIBBERING (_who has never "taken to" Porpentine_). Well, he's had a sharp lesson,--there's no denying that. MR. COCKCR. Precisely, and it occurs to me that when he--ah--returns to public life, it would be a kind thing, and a graceful thing, and a thing he would--ah--appreciate in the spirit it was intended, if we were to present him with some little token of our sympathy and unabated esteem--what do you fellers think? MR. FILK. A most excellent suggestion, if my friend here will allow me to say so. I, for one, shall be proud to contribute to so worthy an object. MR. BALCH. I don't see why we shouldn't present him with an address--'ave it illuminated, and framed and glazed; sort of thing he could 'ang up and 'and down to his children after him as an _heirloom_, yi-know. [Illustration: "Well, he's had a sharp lesson,--there's no denying that."] MR. SIBB. I don't like to throw cold water on any proposition, but if you want _my_ opinion, I must say I see no necessity for making a public thing out of it in that way. MR. COCKCR. I'm with Sibbering there. The less fuss there is about it, the better Porpentine'll be pleased. My idea is to give him something of daily use--a _useful_ thing, yi-know. MR. BALCH. Useful _or_ ornamental. Why not his own portrait? There's many an artist who would do him in oils, and guarantee a likeness, frame included, for a five-pound note. MR. SIBB. If it's to be like Porpentine, it certainly won't be _ornamental_, whatever else it is. MR. FILK. It can't be denied that he is remarkably plain in the face. We'd better, as our friend Mr. Cockcroft here proposes, make it something of daily use--a good serviceable silk umbrella now--that's _always_ appropriate. MR. SIBB. To make up for the one he broke over the collector's head, eh?--that's _appropriate_ enough!