"I was wondering if I could buy an evening paper anywhere," said MR. PUNCH, wistfully. "But perhaps Journalism is also----?" "Of course. Everyone is so contentedly and peacefully absorbed in contributing his share of work to the State, that he has no desire to read about the doings of other persons, even if there was anything of interest to be told, which there isn't. We produce just sufficient for our own wants, so there is no commerce; we have no Army or Navy, since we don't desire to conquer, and are not worth conquering. No Politics, because we govern ourselves by our own consent and co-operation; no Science, as inventors only benefited capital at the expense of labour; and, this being so, what _is_ there to put into a newspaper, if we had one?" "Haven't you even a--a _humorous_ paper?" said MR. PUNCH. "I used to do a little in that way once." "You had better not do it _here_. Humour, I believe, consisted in representing Humanity under ridiculous aspects. _We_'re Humanity, and we don't see any fun in being laughed at. None of your humour here, mind!" "But the citizens have a certain amount of leisure, I suppose," said MR. PUNCH. "How _do_ they amuse themselves? For I can discover no libraries, no circuses, nor concert-rooms, nor anything!" [Illustration: "None of your humour here, mind!"] "It was seen to be invidious to furnish any entertainment at the public expense which did not give equal amusement to all, and so the idea was gradually dropped. When our citizens have finished their daily task, they find their relaxation, in the intervals of eating and sleeping, in the harmless and soothing practice of chewing gum. They can all do _that_, and the State provides each with a weekly supply for the purpose. Now tell me--is there anything _more_ I can do for you?" "Yes," murmured MR. PUNCH; "if you would be so very kind as to freeze me again for five hundred years or so, I should be exceedingly obliged. I don't feel quite at home in _this_ century!" [Illustration] BY PARLIAMENTARY. _On the Platform._ A LADY OF FAMILY. Oh, yes, I do travel third-class sometimes, my dear. I consider it a duty to try to know something of the lower orders. [_Looks out for an empty third-class compartment._ _In the Carriage._--_The seats are now occupied: the LADY OF FAMILY is in one corner, next to a CHATTY WOMAN with a basket, and opposite to an ECCENTRIC-LOOKING MAN with a flighty manner._ The ECCENTRIC MAN (_to the LADY OF FAMILY_). Sorry to disturb you, Mum, but you're a-setting on one o' my 'am sandwiches. The _L. of F._???!!! The E. M. (_considerately_). Don't trouble yourself, Mum, it's of no intrinsic value. I on'y put it there to keep my seat. The CHATTY W. (_to the L. OF F._). I think I've seen you about Shinglebeach, 'ave I not? The L. OF F. It is very possible. I have been staying with some friends in the neighbourhood.