MR. L.-B. You're qui' right. Now I'm the lasht man in the world to shwagger; shtill, I'm goin' to ashk you to lemme have my lil' shwagger now. I happened to be at Rome shor' time ago, and I met Middleman there. We had our lil' chat together and what not--he'sh no pershonal friend o' mine. Well; I picked up a lil' drawing by a Roman chap; worth nothing more than what I got it for, or _anything_, as you may shay. Middleman had the whole run of this chap's studio. I saw this drawing--didn't care mush about it--but thought it wash a gem, and gave the modesh shum of a hundred an' fifty _lire_ for it. Put it in my portmanteau between a couple o' shirts---- FIRST COMM. (_still pining for notice_). When you say shirts, Sir, I presume you mean _clean_ ones? MR. L.-B. No man with the shlightest feelin' or reverence for Art would _put_ sush a queshtion! (_The FIRST COMM. collapses._) Between a couple of--(_underlining the word_) Shirts, and brought it home. Now I'm comin' to my point. One afternoon after my return, I wash walking down Bond Street, when I saw a sketch exhibited in a window by the shame f'ler. I went in and shaid, "What are you asking for thish? Mind I don' wanter _buy_ it; ashk me any price yer like!" And they shaid forty guineash. MR. MILB. Apparently they availed themselves of your permission, and _did_ ask you any price they liked. MR. L.-B. No doubt; but wait till I've _done_. I saw another--a finished drawing not qui' so good as mine, there. Then I shaid to them quietly, "Now, look _here_, why don' you go an' buy 'em for yourshelves in the artist's own shtudio?" It shtruck me as sho odd, a man like Middleman, being there, and having the pick, shouldn' buy _more_ of 'em! MR. MILB. Wasn't worth his while; he can't buy _everything_! MR. L.-B. (_after considering this impartially with some more whiskey_). No; your ansher is a very _good_ one, and a very _fair_ one. He _can't_ buy everything. I _did_ pick, however, an' I gorrit. I said to him, "How mush?" an' he tol' me, and there wash an end of it, do you shee? MR. MILB. It's the ordinary course of business, isn't it? MR. L.-B. Egshackly. But how few _do_ it! Now, I'll tell you 'nother shtory 'bout my poo' dear father. He came 'pon a sculpture in a curioshity shop; it wash very dirty and used up, but my dear father saw it was worth shpotting, and a thing to _be_ shpotted, and sho he put hish _finger_ on it! FIRST COMM. (_undaunted by past failure_). And was it antique, Sir? MR. L.-B. That'sh more'n I can tell you; it wash very dirty, at any rate, and he only gave fifty guineash for it. Wasn't a _great_ shum---- FIRST COMM. (_encouraged by his affability_). No, indeed; a mere nothing, so to speak, Sir! MR. L.-B. (_annoyed_). Will you have the goodnesh to lemme finish what I was telling thish gentleman? When my poo' father got that busht home, it was the mos' perfect likenesh o' Napoleon! [Illustration: "They haven't the _patiensh_ for it."]