Red Saunders' Pets and Other CrittersPhillips, Henry Wallace
General
Red Saunders' Pets and Other Critters
Phillips, Henry Wallace
Humorous stories
"Straight goods," says Ag, "and I had to stand here and see them do it!
The Golden Queen is all my fancy painted her. The second pass that
ice-pick-faced mut made he brought up a chunk as big as a biscuit. 'Is
that gold?' says he. 'Oh, yes!' says I. 'That's gold!' The truth
come out of me before I thought--it knocked me to see that chunk.
First time I ever made such a break--well--well. Why didn't it occur
to me to try the taste of that piece of ground before I put in my
flavouring? I was so d--d sure there wasn't $13 worth of metal in the
whole twenty acres! Oh, Lord! Oh, Lord! To sprinkle a pocket that's
near half gold with a little old pinch of dust, is one of them
ridiculous and extravagant excesses my friend Shakespeare mentions! If
there was a lily around here, I'd paint it, so's to go the whole hog."
"What in the name of all the Mormon gods are we going to do?" says I.
"Leave me think," he answers. And again he pulls his whiskers and
whistles through his teeth.
There came a horrible yell from the hole. Daggett held up what seemed
like a yaller potato. "Hooray!" says he. "Ain't that a humming bird?"
"You want to think quick," says I. "I feel something like murder
rising in my veins."
"By gosh!" says Ag, snapping his fingers. "I've got her! Come to, you
son-of-a-gun. Come to!"
"How's that?" I asked, not just tumbling exactly.
"Come to!" says Ag. "Regain your scattered intelligence! How in
blazes can I sell, then, without your consent?"
"Right you are! I'm off!" says I. And with that I cut loose.
"Help!" howls Aggy; "help!"
The two fellers were too busy to want to stop, but after I sent a brace
of rocks in their direction, they concluded it might be as well to
quiet me first. Lord! How I did carry on! I gave Ag the wink and
pulled for the creek, and it was not long before, with Aggy's help, in
we all three went, kersock.
They pulled me out and laid me on the bank, insensible.
"He's dead, I reckon," says Daggett.
"No," says Aggy, "I can feel his pulse beat, but it does seem to me
there's a different look in his face somehow."
Then I opened my eyes.
"Why, Agamemnon," says I, "what am I doing here?"
"Hush!" says he, "you ain't been well."
"Dear me! You don't say!" And I rubbed my forehead with my hand.
"But I feel all right now--have I been this way long?"
"Nigh on to six months, Hy, old horse; ever since we hit it so rich on
our claim--don't you remember about that?"
"Certainly," says I. "It seems like yesterday; it's as clear--but who
are these people?"
Ag let on to be very much embarrassed. "Well," says he,
"why--hunh--why--to tell you the truth, I thought I ought to get you
out of the country, to where you could see an expensive doctor, and
these are some folks I brought down to buy the claim--you being sick,
you know!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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