Lesbians -- Fiction; Psychological fiction; Women teachers -- Fiction
"Lots," said Louise, with a catch in her voice. "You're not! You're
not!"
"I am." Clare leaned forward, much tickled. She could afford to attempt
to disillusion Louise.... Louise would not believe her, but she could
not say later that she had not been warned. But at the same time, Clare
warmed her cold and cynical self in the pure flame of affection her
self-criticism was fanning. "I am," she repeated. "Why do you think I
came round to see you to-day?"
Louise looked up at her shyly, dwelling on her answer as if it gave her
exquisite pleasure.
"Because--because you knew I was alone, and you hated me to be miserable
on Christmas Day."
"You?" Clare's eyebrows lifted for a second, but a glance into the
child's candid eyes dispelled the vague suspicion.... Louise and conceit
were incompatible. She listened with a touch of compunction to the
innocent answer.
"Not me specially, of course. Any one who was down. Only it happened to
be me. I think you can't help being good to people: you're made that
way." Her eyes were full of wondering admiration.
Clare was touched. She sighed as she answered--
"I wish I were. You shouldn't believe in people, Louise. I came round
because--yes, you were a lonely scrap of a schoolgirl, certainly--but
there were lots of other reasons. I wanted a walk and I wanted to be
amused, and I wanted--and I wanted----" she moved restlessly in her
chair, "All pure egoism, anyhow."
"But you came," said Louise.
"To please you, or to punish some one else? I don't know!"
Louise enjoyed her incomprehensibility. She stored up her remarks to
puzzle over later. Yet she would ask questions if Miss Hartill were in a
talking mood.
"Do I know them?" (She had an odd habit of using the plural when she
wished to be discreet.) She wondered who had been punished, and why, and
thrilled deliciously, as she did to a ghost story. She thought that it
would be terrible to have offended Miss Hartill: yet immensely
exciting.... She wondered if all her courage would go if Miss Hartill
were angry? She had always despised poor Jeanne du Barrie: but Miss
Hartill raging would be harder to face than a mob....
"What have they done?" asked Louise eagerly.
"They? It's your dear Miss Durand," said Clare, with a grim smile. "I'm
very angry with her, Louise. She's been behaving badly."
Louise's eyes widened: she looked alarmed and distressed.
"Oh, but Miss Hartill--she hasn't! She couldn't! What has she done?"
"Shall I tell you?" Clare leaned forward mysteriously.
Louise nodded breathlessly.
"She wouldn't copy me and be an egoist. And I wanted her to, rather
badly, Louise. There, that's all! You're none the wiser, are you? Never
mind, you will be, some day. Don't look so worried, you funny child."
"Why do you call yourself such names? You're not an egoist? You can't
be," cried Louise desperately.
Clare laughed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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