And up I go. I, lying here with the night-light before me, up I go, for
no reason on earth that I can find out, and drawn by no links that are
visible to me, up the Great Saint Bernard! I have lived in Switzerland,
and rambled among the mountains; but, why I should go there now, and why
up the Great Saint Bernard in preference to any other mountain, I have no
idea. As I lie here broad awake, and with every sense so sharpened that
I can distinctly hear distant noises inaudible to me at another time, I
make that journey, as I really did, on the same summer day, with the same
happy party—ah! two since dead, I grieve to think—and there is the same
track, with the same black wooden arms to point the way, and there are
the same storm-refuges here and there; and there is the same snow falling
at the top, and there are the same frosty mists, and there is the same
intensely cold convent with its ménagerie smell, and the same breed of
dogs fast dying out, and the same breed of jolly young monks whom I mourn
to know as humbugs, and the same convent parlour with its piano and the
sitting round the fire, and the same supper, and the same lone night in a
cell, and the same bright fresh morning when going out into the highly
rarefied air was like a plunge into an icy bath. Now, see here what
comes along; and why does this thing stalk into my mind on the top of a
Swiss mountain!
It is a figure that I once saw, just after dark, chalked upon a door in a
little back lane near a country church—my first church. How young a
child I may have been at the time I don’t know, but it horrified me so
intensely—in connexion with the churchyard, I suppose, for it smokes a
pipe, and has a big hat with each of its ears sticking out in a
horizontal line under the brim, and is not in itself more oppressive than
a mouth from ear to ear, a pair of goggle eyes, and hands like two
bunches of carrots, five in each, can make it—that it is still vaguely
alarming to me to recall (as I have often done before, lying awake) the
running home, the looking behind, the horror, of its following me; though
whether disconnected from the door, or door and all, I can’t say, and
perhaps never could. It lays a disagreeable train. I must resolve to
think of something on the voluntary principle.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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