Saving souls! Heaven help him! the words rang in his ears like mocking
echoes long after the butterman had settled into his arm-chair, and
confided to his wife and Phoebe that the pastor was a-coming to
himself and taking to his duties, and that we'll tide it over yet.
"Saving souls!" the words came back and back to Vincent's bewildered
mind. They formed a measure and cadence in their constant repetition,
haunting him like some spiritual suggestion, as he looked over, with
senses confused and dizzy, his little stock of sermons, to make
preparation for the duty which he could not escape. At last he tossed
them all away in a heap, seized his pen, and poured forth his heart.
Saving souls! what did it mean? He was not writing a sermon. Out of the
depths of his troubled heart poured all the chaos of thought and wonder,
which leapt into fiery life under that quickening touch of personal
misery and unrest. He forgot the bounds of orthodox speculation--all
bounds save those of the drear mortal curtain of death, on the other
side of which that great question is solved. He set forth the dark
secrets of life with exaggerated touches of his own passion and anguish.
He painted out of his own aching fancy a soul innocent, yet stained with
the heaviest of mortal crimes: he turned his wild light aside and poured
it upon another, foul to the core, yet unassailable by man. Saving
souls!--which was the criminal? which was the innocent? A wild
confusion of sin and sorrow, of dreadful human complications,
misconceptions, of all incomprehensible, intolerable thoughts, surged
round and round him as he wrote. Were the words folly that haunted him
with such echoes? Could he, and such as he, unwitting of half the
mysteries of life, do anything to that prodigious work? Could words help
it--vain syllables of exhortation or appeal? God knows. The end of it
all was a confused recognition of the One half-known, half-identified,
who, if any hope were to be had, held that hope in His hands. The
preacher, who had but dim acquaintance with His name, paused, in the
half idiocy of his awakened genius, to wonder, like a child, if perhaps
his simple mother knew a little more of that far-off wondrous
figure--recognised it wildly by the confused lights as the only hope in
earth or heaven--and so rose up, trembling with excitement and
exhaustion, to find that he had spent the entire night in this sudden
inspiration, and that the wintry dawn, cold and piercing to the heart,
was stealing over the opposite roofs, and another day had begun.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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