"I will preach," cried the young man, scattering the bits of paper out
of his hand unawares. "Is not that enough? don't tell me what I am to
do--the evil is sufficient without that. I tell you I will preach. I
would rather cut off my right hand, if that would do as well. I am
speaking like a child or a fool: who cares for my right hand, I wonder,
or my life, or my senses? No more of this. I will preach--don't speak of
it again. It will not matter a hundred years hence," muttered the
minister, with that sudden adoption of the philosophy of recklessness
which misery sometimes plays with. He threw himself into his chair
again, and covered his face with his hands. He was thinking of Salem,
and all those rows of gazing eyes. He could see them all in their pews,
imagination, with a cruel freak like a mocking spirit, depicting all
the finery of Mrs. Pigeon and Mrs. Brown upon that vivid canvass. The
minister groaned at the thought of them; but to put it down on paper,
and record the pang of exasperation and intolerable wretchedness which
was thus connected with the fine winter bonnets of the poulterer's wife
and the dairy-woman would make a picture rather grotesque than terrible
to unconcerned eyes. It was dreadful earnest to poor Vincent, thinking
how he should stand before them on that inexorable Sunday, and preach
"as if nothing had happened;" reading all the while, in case his own
mind would let him forget them, the vulgarest horrors of all that had
happened in all that crowd of eyes.
"And you'll find a great consolation, take my word, sir, in the thought
that you're a-doing of your duty," said Tozer, shaking his head
solemnly, as he rose to go away; "that's a wonderful consolation, Mr.
Vincent, to all of us; and especially to a minister that knows he's
a-serving his Master and saving souls."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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