Sam in the SuburbsWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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Sam in the Suburbs
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
England -- Fiction; Gangsters -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Publishers and publishing -- Fiction
“Very.”
“The college grounds are very attractive.”
“Oh, yes.”
“Have you visited the picture gallery?”
“Yes, several times.”
Fish arrived--_sole meunière_. It was Lord Tilbury’s custom never to
talk during the fish course.
“My young friend Shotter is, I believe, a near neighbour of yours,” he
said, when the _sole meunière_ was no more.
“He lives next door.”
“Indeed? Then you see a great deal of him, no doubt?”
“I never see him.”
“A most delightful young fellow,” said Lord Tilbury, sipping cider.
Kay looked at him stonily.
“Do you think so?” she said.
Lord Tilbury’s last doubts were removed. He felt that all was for the
best in the best of all possible worlds. Like some joyous reveller out
of Rabelais, he raised his glass with a light-hearted flourish. He
looked as if he were about to start a drinking chorus.
“Excellent cider, this, Braddock,” he boomed genially. “Most
excellent.”
Willoughby Braddock, who had been eying his own supply of that wholesome
beverage with sullen dislike, looked at him in pained silence; and Sam,
who had been sitting glumly, listening without interest to the prattle
of one of the shingled girls, took it upon himself to reply. He was
feeling sad and ill used. That incident before dinner had distressed
him. Moreover, only a moment ago he had caught Kay’s eye for an instant
across the table, and it had been cold and disdainful. He welcomed the
opportunity of spoiling somebody’s life, and particularly that of an old
ass like Lord Tilbury, who should have been thinking about the hereafter
instead of being so infernally hearty.
“I read a very interesting thing about cider the other day,” he said in
a loud, compelling voice that stopped one of the rabbit-faced young men
in mid-anecdote as if he had been smitten with an axe. “It appears that
the farmers down in Devonshire put a dead rat in every barrel----”
“My dear Shotter!”
“----to give it body,” went on Sam doggedly. “And the curious thing is
that when the barrels are opened, the rats are always found to have
completely disappeared--showing the power of the juice.”
A wordless exclamation proceeded from Lord Tilbury. He lowered his
glass. Mr. Braddock was looking like one filled with a sudden great
resolution.
“I read it in Pyke’s _Home Companion_,” said Sam. “So it must be true.”
“A little water, please,” said Lord Tilbury stiffly.
“Sleddon,” said Mr. Braddock in a voice of thunder, “give me some
champagne.”
“Sir?” quavered the butler. He cast a swift look over his shoulder, as
if seeking the moral support of Mrs. Lippett. But Mrs. Lippett was in
the housekeeper’s room.
“Sleddon!”
“Yes, sir,” said the butler meekly.
Sam was feeling completely restored to his usual sunny self.
“Talking of Pyke’s _Home Companion_,” he said, “did you take my advice
and read that serial of Cordelia Blair’s, Lord Tilbury?”
“I did not,” replied His Lordship shortly.
“You should. Miss Blair is a very remarkable woman.”
Kay raised her eyes.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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