In the winter of 1883-4, while dear companion and myself were engaged with some sanctified ones in a protracted meeting, to rescue the perishing, we were brought as never before face to face with the stern necessity of more spiritual power and life. We were shown by the Holy Spirit that there is but one route to the promised land and that is by crossing the Jordan. Death was inevitable if we would come into this abundant life. We paused and reflected, looked backward and forward, but there was no alternative--death was our doom. One day while I was absent from home, and dear companion was left alone, the Lord spoke to her so plainly that she had one cherished idol that must necessarily be sacrificed. It was a God-given blessing, but must be yielded freely to him. She obeyed and entered into the glory of sanctification. When I returned home I soon found that the work in her was done. Something marvelous had been accomplished. It was wonderful what a change. She told me of the death she had to pass through and I fully realized it. The divine glory which had come into her heart was unspeakable. She tried to show me how to die the same death. I was desirous to yield and cross over with her, but I found a resistance in my will which held me back. I came to my cherished treasures, some of which were God-given blessings, but unquestionably the Holy Spirit said they must be yielded up a burnt offering unto the Lord. My will must become swallowed up into the will of God completely, even to this death. I said, "Yes, Lord, I will"; but the yes found a hesitancy. It did not reach the depths of my heart. I kept saying it over and over--"Yes, Lord"--and tried to get it deeper every time I said it; but the Lord knew it did not reach the inmost depths. That was a wonderful day to me, but it was not the day of my death, as it was of my companion. She told in meeting that evening what the Lord had wrought. I told what I was trying to say to the Lord--"Thy will be done." Time passed by and I still hesitated. I wanted the Lord's perfect will, but also wanted just a little of my will. I wanted both, but the Lord showed that I could have but one; and I plainly knew which one, if I was ever to obtain the grace of sanctification. The life of my companion was a daily testimony which only added to my trouble. I knew she had what she never had before. Her life before was all that I ever expected to find in a true, devoted, Christian woman, but now in some marvelous manner there was vastly more heaven in her life than before, and the marked absence of everything unlike heaven. I knew she was sanctified, and I knew I was not. She had just what I must have, and what my soul was longing for these years. Oh, why could I not just now say "Yes!" with my whole heart and die the death and gain the abundant life? Sometimes I was under such conviction that I felt miserable. I asked God to forgive me for not yielding up my whole heart as I knew he would have me do.