Ship's Company, the Entire CollectionJacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
General
Ship's Company, the Entire Collection
Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English
“'Frighten 'im out of 'is boots, and make him give 'er up,' I ses. 'Or
better still, get 'im to run away and go into hiding for a time. That
'ud be best, in case 'e found out.'
“'Found out wot?' ses the skipper.
“'Found out it wasn't 'er husband,' I ses.
“'Bill,' ses the skipper, very earnest, 'this is the fust beer I've 'ad
to-day, and I wish I could say the same for you.'
“I didn't take 'im at fast, but when I did I gave a laugh that brought in
two more customers to see wot was the matter. Then I took 'im by the
arm--arter a little trouble--and, taking 'im back to the wharf, explained
my meaning to 'im.
“'I know the very man,' I ses. 'He comes into a public-'ouse down my way
sometimes. Artful 'Arry, he's called, and, for 'arf-a-quid, say, he'd
frighten Uncle Dick 'arf to death. He's big and ugly, and picks up a
living by selling meerschaum pipes he's found to small men wot don't want
'em. Wonderful gift o' the gab he's got.'
“We went acrost to the 'Albion' to talk it over. There's several bars
there, and the landlady always keeps cotton-wool in 'er ears, not 'aving
been brought up to the public line. The skipper told me all 'e knew
about Mrs. Muffit, and we arranged that Artful 'Arry should come down at
seven o'clock next night, if so be as I could find 'im in time.
“I got up early the next arternoon, and as it 'appened, he came into the
'Duke of Edinburgh' five minutes arter I got there. Nasty temper 'e was
in, too. He'd just found a meerschaum pipe, as usual, and the very fust
man 'e tried to sell it to said that it was the one 'e lost last
Christmas, and gave 'im a punch in the jaw for it.
“'He's a thief, that's wot he is,' ses 'Arry; 'and I 'ate thiefs. 'Ow's
a honest tradesman to make a living when there's people like that about?'
“I stood 'im 'arf a pint, and though it hurt 'im awful to drink it, he
said 'ed 'ave another just to see if he could bear the pain. Arter he
had 'ad three 'e began for to take a more cheerful view o' life, and told
me about a chap that spent three weeks in the London 'Orsepittle for
calling 'im a liar.
“'Treat me fair,' he ses, 'and I'll treat other people fair. I never
broke my word without a good reason for it, and that's more than
everybody can say. If I told you the praise I've 'ad from some people
you wouldn't believe it.'
“I let 'im go on till he 'ad talked 'imself into a good temper, and then I
told 'im of the little job I 'ad got for 'im. He listened quiet till I
'ad finished, and then he shook 'is 'ead.
“'It ain't in my line,' he ses.
“'There's 'arf a quid 'anging to it,' I ses.
“'Arry shook his 'ead agin. 'Tain't enough, mate,' he ses. 'If you was
to make it a quid I won't say as I mightn't think of it.'
“I 'ad told the skipper that it might cost 'im a quid, so I knew 'ow far
I could go; and at last, arter 'Arry 'ad got as far as the door three
times, I gave way.
“'And I'll 'ave it now,' he ses, 'to prevent mistakes.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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