Sister Dolorosa, and Posthumous FameAllen, James Lane
Religion
Sister Dolorosa, and Posthumous Fame
Allen, James Lane
Kentucky -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
Even the next day, when he had been wounded and life was rapidly flowing
from him, and earthly ties seemed soon to be snapped, he had thought
only of this tie, new and sacred, and had written to her. Poor boy!--he
had written, as with his heart's blood, his brief, pathetic appeal that
she would come and be united to him before he died. In all ages of the
world there have been persons, simple in nature and simple in their
faith in another life, who have forgotten everything else in the last
hour but the supreme wish to grapple to them those they love, for
eternity, and at whatever cost. Such simplicity of nature and faith
belonged to him; for although in Kentucky the unrest of the century
touching belief in the supernatural, and the many phases by which this
expresses itself, are not unknown, they had never affected him. He
believed as his fathers had believed, that to be united in this world in
any relation is to be united in that relation, mysteriously changed yet
mysteriously the same, in another.
But this letter had never been sent. There had been no one to take it at
the time; and when Ezra returned with the physician he had fainted away
from loss of blood.
Then had followed the dressing of the wound, days of fever and
unconsciousness, and then the assurance that he would get well. Thus,
nearly a month had passed, and for him a great change had come over the
face of nature and the light of the world. With that preternatural calm
of mind which only an invalid or a passionless philosopher ever obtains,
he now looked back upon an episode which thus acquired fictitious
remoteness. So weak that he could scarcely lift his head from his
pillow, there left his heart the keen, joyous sense of human ties and
pursuits. He lost the key to the motives and forces of his own
character. But it is often the natural result of such illness that while
the springs of feeling seem to dry up, the conscience remains sensitive,
or even burns more brightly, as a star through a rarer atmosphere. So
that, lying thus in the poor farm-house during dreary days, with his
life half-gone out of him, and with only the sad image of her always
before his eyes, he could think of nothing but his cruel folly in having
broken in upon her peace; for perfect peace of some sort she must have
had in comparison with what was now left her.
Beneath his pillow he kept her letter, and as he often read it over he
asked himself how he could ever have hoped to change the conscience
which had inspired such a letter as that. If her heart belonged to him,
did not her soul belong to her religion; and if one or the other must
give way, could it be doubtful with such, a nature as hers which would
come out victorious? Thus he said to himself that any further attempt to
see her could but result in greater suffering to them both, and that
nothing was left him but what she herself had urged--to go away and
resign her to a life from which he had too late found out that she could
never be divorced.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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