The hive were shocked to see their chum (A strict teetotaller) teetotum— The Queen exclaimed, “How terrible, very! It’s perfectly clear to all the throng Peter’s been at the old brown sherry. Old brown sherry is much too strong— Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Of all who thus themselves degrade, A stern example must be made, To Coventry go, you tipsy bee!” So off to Coventry town went he. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. There, classed with all who misbehave, Both plausible rogue and noisome knave, In dismal dumps he lived to own The folly of trying to swarm alone! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. All came of trying to swarm alone. THE DISCONCERTED TENOR A TENOR, all singers above (This doesn’t admit of a question), Should keep himself quiet, Attend to his diet, And carefully nurse his digestion. But when he is madly in love, It’s certain to tell on his singing— You can’t do chromatics With proper emphatics When anguish your bosom is wringing! When distracted with worries in plenty, And his pulse is a hundred and twenty, And his fluttering bosom the slave of mistrust is, A tenor can’t do himself justice. Now observe—(_sings a high note_)— You see, I can’t do myself justice! I could sing, if my fervour were mock, It’s easy enough if you’re acting, But when one’s emotion Is born of devotion, You mustn’t be over-exacting. One ought to be firm as a rock To venture a shake in _vibrato_; When fervour’s expected, Keep cool and collected, Or never attempt _agitato_. But, of course, when his tongue is of leather, And his lips appear pasted together, And his sensitive palate as dry as a crust is, A tenor can’t do himself justice. Now observe—(_sings a cadence_)— It’s no use—I can’t do myself justice! THE PLAYED-OUT HUMORIST QUIXOTIC is his enterprise, and hopeless his adventure is, Who seeks for jocularities that haven’t yet been said. The world has joked incessantly for over fifty centuries, And every joke that’s possible has long ago been made. I started as a humorist with lots of mental fizziness, But humour is a drug which it’s the fashion to abuse; For my stock-in-trade, my fixtures, and the goodwill of the business No reasonable offer I am likely to refuse. And if anybody choose He may circulate the news That no reasonable offer I’m likely to refuse.