Stanley's Adventures in the Wilds of Africa: A Graphic Account of the Several Expeditions of Henry M. Stanley into the Heart of the Dark ContinentHeadley, Joel Tyler
History
Stanley's Adventures in the Wilds of Africa: A Graphic Account of the Several Expeditions of Henry M. Stanley into the Heart of the Dark Continent
Headley, Joel Tyler
Africa, Central -- Description and travel; Stanley, Henry M. (Henry Morton), 1841-1904
than an utterly fearless man is conscious of his own courage. The
following touching extract from his journal at this time lets in a
flood of light on the character and the inner life of this remarkable
man:
"About 10 P. M. the fever had gone. All were asleep in the tembe but
myself, and an unutterable loneliness came on me as I reflected on my
position, and my intentions, and felt the utter lack of sympathy with me
in all around. Even my own white assistant, with whom I had striven
hard, was less sympathizing than my little black boy Kalulu. It requires
more nerve than I possess to dispel all the dark presentiments that come
upon the mind. But, probably, what I call presentiments are simply the
impress on the mind of the warnings which these false-hearted Arabs have
repeated so often. This melancholy and loneliness which I feel, may
probably have their origin from the same cause. The single candle which
barely lights up the dark shade which fills the corners of my room, is
but a poor incentive to cheerfulness. I feel as though I were imprisoned
between stone walls. But why should I feel as if baited by these stupid,
slow-witted Arabs, and their warnings and croakings? I fancy a suspicion
haunts my mind, as I write, that there lies some motive behind all this.
"I wonder if these Arabs tell me all these things to keep me here, in
the hope that I may be induced another time to assist them in their war
against Mirambo! If they think so, they are much mistaken, for I have
taken a solemn, enduring oath--an oath to be kept while the least hope
of life remains in me--not to be tempted to break the resolution I have
formed, never to give up the search until I find Livingstone alive, or
find his dead body; and never to return home without the strongest
possible proofs that he is alive or that he is dead. No living man or
living men shall stop me--only death can prevent me. But death--not even
this; I shall not die--I will not die--I cannot die!
"And something tells me, I do not know what it is--perhaps it is the
everliving hopefulness of my own nature; perhaps it is the natural
presumption born out of an abundant and glowing vitality, or the outcome
of an overweening confidence in one's self--anyhow and everyhow,
something tells me to-night I shall find him, and--write it larger--FIND
HIM! FIND HIM! Even the words are inspiring. I feel more happy. Have I
uttered a prayer? I shall sleep calmly to-night."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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