My love, My erring which has counted, by the test Of strength or weakness for the game of life, Has been Quixotic honor, chivalry. And to indulge this feeling I have paid, Though it has been my true voluptuousness, My highest, purest pleasure. Yes, for this I threw away a fortune, glad to throw it, Rather than suffer wrong, though trivial, As worldly men would count it:--for a father's Laughter at my writing turned away To follow voices, and defied his will To harness me to business. So it is To keep my spirit spotless from the world, As I have visioned things, I came at last By this deserted shore, alone, alone, Now quite alone since you withdrew yourself, Took back your hand and left me to my way, Traveled so long that I can see the tomb At the vista's end not very far. Oh, love, Why is there not a heart that loves but mine? If you had been a Magdalen, I had pressed Your head against my breast and kept you there-- But you--my spirit drifts with stricken wings-- But you because of gossip, crawling words About my drinking, lies as I shall prove, Can hold a handkerchief upon your eyes To hide tumultuous tears, extend your hand And say farewell forever, cut our lives Of days or months, fragile and trivial Asunder--when your hand, your faith, your love Had cured me of my spirit's desolation, My terror of this solitude in life-- Or if it cured me not, I had been eased, And you had gained for giving--what have you For your decision? Sorrow, if you love me, Perhaps a conscience whisper that you failed In justice, sacrifice; perhaps the thought Life with me drinking, to the excess you thought, Is better than a life where I am not. What have you gained? In a few years we two Will be at one with earth--before it comes Are not sweet hours together worth the cost Of a little drink? You who have riches, need not My labors for your bread, but need my love, Which you crush out. But as to drink, I swear I do not drink." Ahem! the fellow stirs But will not wake, I fear. You heard that last: He swears he does not drink. Drink and untruth Go always hand in hand. This letter's long-- Let's see what he comes up with at the last: