Humorous stories; Newspapers -- Fiction; United States -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction
"No," said Susan, "an' every one else feels the same as you do about it,
too, but it seems as it was n't to be this time. Mrs. Macy says as she
never went through nothin' to equal these ten days dead or alive, an'
she hopes so help her heaven to never sit up with anybody as has got
anythin' but heart disease or the third fit of apoplexy hereafter. Why,
she says Mr. Dill's eleven months with Mrs. Dill flat on her back was a
child playin' with a cat an' a string in comparison to what the Lupeys
an' her have been goin' through with Mrs. Kitts these ten days. She says
all Meadville is witness to the way she's skinned 'em down to the bone.
Mrs. Dill was give up by a doctor like a Christian, an' after the eleven
months she _did_ die, but Mrs. Kitts has been give up over an' over by
doctor after doctor till there ain't one in the whole place as ain't mad
at her about it; an' there she is livin' yet! Mrs. Macy says Mrs. Lupey
is so wore out she can't talk of nothin' else. Mrs. Lupey feels very
bitter over it; she says it's all of six years now since they turned the
X-rays through her (an' Mrs. Macy says as Mrs. Lupey says she could sit
right down an' cry to think how much them X-rays cost an' how little
good they done), an' she says it's three years come April Fool's since
old Dr. Carter tried her lungs with his new kinetoscope an' found 'em
full of air an' nothin' else. Mrs. Lupey says she's always had so much
faith in old Dr. Carter an' she had faith in him then, an' was so sweet
an' trustin' when he come with the machine, an' after he was done she
fully believed his word of honor as to everythin', an' that was why they
went an' bought her that bell an' oh heavens alive, Mrs. Lathrop, I only
wish you _could_ hear Mrs. Macy on Mrs. Kitts' bell! It seems that kind
of bell is a new invention an' as soon as any one is give up for good
the doctor as gives 'em up sends a postal to the man as keeps 'em, an'
then the man sends it for three days on trial an' then the family buy
it, because it lets 'em all sleep easy. Well, Mrs. Macy says it's the
quietest lookin' small thing you ever see, but she says Great Scott,
Holy Moses, an' ginger tea, the way it works! You only need to put your
hand on it an' just stir it an' it unhooks inside like one of them new
patent mouse traps as catch you ten times to every once they catch a
mouse, an' then it begins to ring like a fire alarm an' bang like the
Fourth of July, an' it don't never stop itself again until some one as
is perfectly healthy comes tearin' barefoot from somewhere to turn it
over an' hook it up an' get Mrs. Kitts whatever she wants."
"I should--" suggested Mrs. Lathrop.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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