Susan Clegg and Her Neighbors' AffairsWarner, Anne
General
Susan Clegg and Her Neighbors' Affairs
Warner, Anne
Humorous stories; United States -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction
then we both sat down 'n' tried to figger out as to how much of that
share we each owned. I will confess as takin' down stoves was lookin'
out of the window beside that job, 'n' in the end he made out as that if
the share was worth the whole of itself I 'd own half, but bein' worth
only what had happened to it there was n't the half in the whole. So I
come home 'n' dreamed nothin' but nightmares runnin' wildly up 'n' down
me.
"You know what happened next!--it was the next mornin', 'n' I was makin'
bread with a very heavy dough when Ed come bouncin' in for three dollars
more margin. Well, I honestly thought I 'd bu'st. I blazed up so quick
'n' so sudden that Ed fell back agin the table, 'n' then I shook till
the window rattled. It was a good minute before I could speak, 'n' when
I spoke, I may in truth remark, Mrs. Lathrop, that I never spoke plainer
nor firmer in my life,--'Edward Andrews'--I says--'Edward Andrews, you
paddle yourself right back to Mr. Kimball 'n' tell him that my patience
is very short 'n' is gettin' shorter each minute, 'n' you may just
casually mention that I ain't got no more money to margin with not now
'n' not never. If a thing as I 've paid nigh to eight-fifths for is
shrunk to less than half of itself Mr. Dill 'n' Mr. Shores can margin
for it from now on--I'm done forever.' 'N' I was done, too--but I never
bargained on what came next!--Mr. Kimball traded that share in wheat for
two in a Refrigerator Trust 'n' never even so much as sneezed about it
to me, 'n' I will say, Mrs. Lathrop, as I consider that the Bible sayin'
'Honor among thieves' ought to apply to me just as much as to any one
else. 'N' there I went into the city as unsuspectin' as a can brimful of
buttermilk 'n' bought a paper to read comin' home on the cars, 'n' what
should I unfold but wheat runnin' up a ladder along with a bull to get
out of the way of a lot of wild-lookin' lambs! The ladder-rungs was
numbered 'n' I was sharp enough to see as them numbers was money 'n'
that wheat had one leg safe on 110; so I kited home to sell out--'n' it
was then I learned about the Refrigerator!
"Well, Mrs. Lathrop!--well, _Mrs_. Lathrop, what do you think was my
feelin's then?--I tell you boilin' lava 'n' India's sunny strand was n't
hotter than me that minute. Me--the backbone of the whole thing 'n' sold
out like I was a mummy while I was in town buyin' darnin'-cotton!"
Miss Clegg shifted her weight to the other foot and drew a long, fresh
breath.
"Mr. Kimball 'n' me has never been the same since," she continued with
warmth;--"we had enough to make us different, Heaven knows, for from
that day on misfortune has just dogged and rabbited me, I know. The
winter was so cold that the only way the Refrigerator Trust could come
out even was to burn up toward spring, 'n' the day it burnt wheat was
sittin' on 140, kissin' his hand to the new crop."
"But Mr. Kim--" interposed Mrs. Lathrop.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account