_Lord F._ I told him if he didn’t behave himself, I’d give him in charge. (_Men all laugh._) Now, is that another of your American jokes? _Dennis (aside)._ Oh! isn’t this rich? _Amy (aside to Lord F.)._ Oh, you are beautiful! _Lord F. (bewildered and starting)._ Thanks awfully,—if you really mean it! _Steven (coming down to back of Lord F.’s chair)._ What did she say, Lord Ferrol? You must take Miss Sherman with a grain of allowance. _Amy._ I’m not a pill, thank you. _Lord F._ Why, who said you were? _Dennis._ Only a homœopathic sugarplum. _Lord F._ I don’t understand. _Steven (aside to Lord F.)._ Keep it up, old man. It’s superb! _Lord F._ I beg pardon,—did you speak to me? _Steven (retreating to fireplace)._ Oh, no! only addressing vacancy. _Mrs. W._ I hope, Lord Ferrol, that there has been enough pleasant in your trip to make you forget what has been disagreeable. _Lord F._ Er, quite so. The trip has been vastly enjoyable. _Rose._ Where have you been? _Lord F._ I landed in New York and spent the night there, but it was such a bore that I went on to Niagara the next day. From there I travelled through the Rockies, getting some jolly sport, and then went to Florida. _Mrs. W._ Why, you have seen a large part of our country; even more than your father did. I remember his amazement at our autumn foliage. He said it was the most surprising thing in the trip. _Amy._ What did you think of it, Lord Ferrol? _Lord F._ It struck me as rather gaudy. _Rose._ Why, I had never thought of it, but perhaps it is a little vivid. _Dennis (aside to men)._ Oh, how I should like to kick him! _Steven (aside to Dennis)._ Hush! You forget that “Codlin’s your friend—not Short.” _George._ Didn’t you ever see a Venetian sunset? _Lord F._ Oh, yes. Why do you ask? _George (sarcastically)._ I merely thought it might be open to the same objection! _Lord F._ It might—I don’t remember. I’ll look it up in my journal when I get home, and see if it impressed me at the time. _Helen._ Do you keep a journal? (_Rises and sits on footstool at Lord F.’s feet._) How delightful! (_Beseechingly._) Oh, won’t you let me look at what you have with you? _Rose._ Please, Lord Ferrol! _Amy._ Ah, do! _Lord F._ It would bore you, I’m sure. _Dennis (aside)._ I don’t care if he isn’t a double-barrelled earl, I should like to kick him all the same! _Helen._ Lord Ferrol, you must let us hear some of it. _Rose._ If you don’t we shall think you have said something uncomplimentary of the American women. _Lord F._ No, I assure you I have been quite delighted. _Amy._ Then why won’t you let us see it? _Lord F._ Er, I couldn’t, you know; but if you really are in earnest, I’ll read you some extracts. _Omnes._ Oh, do! _Lord F._ I ought to explain that I started with the intention of writing a book on America, so this (_producing book_) is not merely what I did and saw, but desultory notes on the States. _Rose._ How interesting!