That rather stung me. I said that to me, at any rate, it was perfectly obvious that he was thinking of Helen. Not that there was anything unworthy in that; but it came oddly from one who had not long before been boasting that he had put all that side of his life away from him and didn't want to be even reminded of it. "If you have put it away from you," I said, "why don't you keep it away from you? Why are you so keen to plunge back into the midst of it on the slightest excuse?" Once again the mention of Helen's name had made him less calm. He told me eagerly that he _had_ put it all away from him, but that wouldn't and oughtn't to stop him from helping friends he had known in the past. He said, with eyes burning sharply: "I tell you--in case you're thinking what isn't true--I tell you--I haven't any affection--_that_ sort of affection--for her.... Do you believe me?" "I believe you're speaking sincerely." He ignored the innuendo. "I'm not thinking of Helen alone," he went on. "Or of Severn.... In a way, they're old enough to do what they like, whatever it is. But ... I'll tell you something about myself--years ago. In those days--just before I came out here--I wanted Helen--you understand?--I _wanted_ her. And I'd have done anything to get her, but for--one thing.... Of course I'm not defending myself--there ought to have been a hundred reasons to stop me, but in fact there was only that one.... It would have been caddish and ungrateful to Severn, but _that_ wasn't the reason. And it wasn't--just morality.... It was ... it was ... _this_ ... I felt I could put up with Severn's reproaches and the world's reproaches ... I could stand everything except--except the thought of June--June growing up and wondering why her mother had left home, and then--some day--guessing or being told or finding out--the reason.... I couldn't stand _that_...." He made an effort to gain completer control of himself, and then, only half-succeeding, continued: "I gave up what _I_ wanted for _her_ sake, and now--after that--I'm damned if I'll see another man destroy it all! He _shan't_! You say I can do nothing! You don't know what I can do. Neither do I. But I know what I _can't_ do--I can't stand by and see things happening as they are happening I tell you I can't--I _can't_--and I _won't_!" The longest speech, I think, he had ever made in his life, and he was pale and trembling after it. He broke off sharply and stared round at the swing-doors; and no wonder, for at that moment Severn was entering, and with him, lovely to the eye, was this other woman.... XIII