He showed me Helen's letters that night. I had expected a small bundle,
but there were only three; and he asked me to read them, not while I was
with him, but later on when I was alone. The chance came after I had
bidden him good-night; I went downstairs into the lounge, switched on
one of the shaded table-lamps, lit a cigarette, and read the letters
very carefully. They were none of them long, and all had been written
and posted within a month of his arrival in Vienna. It was an odd
sensation to sit in a hotel-lounge at two o'clock in the morning and
disentangle a mystery; there was something eerie, almost, in trying to
build up from a few sheets of handwriting the complete picture of what
had happened seven years before. But there it was, in clear focus at
last, and one glance was enough to show how wrong my ideas had been.
Those letters were a revelation. They seemed to me the sort of letters
that Helen could never have written, but perhaps that is the usual
experience of outsiders who read other people's love-letters. Yes, they
_were_ love-letters, except that the description is a shade too
temperate.... And--to put the matter quite frankly--they were _not_ the
wayward, semi-harmless chits that a married woman might send to a young
exile in whom she was sentimentally interested. They were, on the
contrary, highly damaging and incriminating documents; and all the time
I was reading them I was picturing a packed Divorce Court in which some
cool, smooth-voiced advocate (like Severn) was doling them out, sentence
by sentence, and pausing with uplifted eyebrows at the end of each.
The earliest of the trio had evidently been written and posted within a
few hours of that quarrel with me in the Fleet Street tea-shop. There
was, of course, no mention of it in the letter, and at least half the
sentences were indignant questions. For instance:
"... Terry, what _does_ your scrappy little note really mean? Why have
you gone after all? What need was there for you to go? I feel dazed by
it, so far; I cannot understand how or why you could have done it, after
what we had arranged. Surely it was wonderful enough for us to be
together, meeting so often, and with all the summer before us that we
had planned--how could you _dare_ to break it all to pieces by going
away? Terry, I'm angry with you--I _did_ think you would keep your word
to me. Tell me what made you go--tell me _why_. And for God's sake, if
you find there's nothing for you in Vienna, have the courage to come
back. I'm frightened to think of you with that man Karelsky--he seems to
me to be everything you'll never guess he is till it's too late.... Oh,
you _are_ a fool for running away like this--it was our wonderful
chance, and you've bungled all of it. I don't know whether I can ever
forgive you...."
A pause of ten days, and then the next, evidently in answer to a letter
from him:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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