The Adventures of My Cousin SmoothTempleton, Timothy
General
The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth
Templeton, Timothy
Pierce, Franklin, 1804-1869 -- Humor; United States -- Politics and government -- 1853-1857
"'Shouldn't be surprised if you found it so!' replied the fish, his
spacious jaws opening, and the end of another parchment slowly
protruding from his mouth. 'Read that! I must get somebody to help me
to eject this instrument.' The General wrested it from its mouth,
turned it over and over, and tried and retried to read it. 'It's a
protest from John, my Uncle, John Bull and Johnny Crappo, which
says:--'We, the said John and Louis, having entered into a sublime
alliance with our sublime brother of the East, by which one great and
mighty power has been concentrated, do humbly beg Mr. President Pierce
(for whom we now have and ever hope to entertain the very highest
esteem) that he take heed how he dips his fingers into other people's
political pies. And, further, while exhibiting so earnest a desire to
appropriate the choicest delicacies of his neighbors to the cravings
of his black pig, to be a little more modest. Now, we, the undersigned
Louis and John, whose names--in alliance have become mightiest among
the mighty, are duly convinced of the many inconsistencies,
irregularities, and breaches of _good_ faith, together with the many
petty acts of tyranny, the mother of this Antilla flounder has been
guilty of, to her own disgrace. But greatness should be known by its
forbearance with the weak; hence we should bear and forgive. Yea, we
admit that her footprints are marked with blood--that her history has
numberless pages written in blood--that her arrogance and avarice have
blotted out her national virtue, and now work like a battering-ram her
downfall. Yet, as arrogance is but another name for weakness, is it
not better to brush off than kill the wasp? The principle herein
contained we have, in the sublimity of our power, adopted as an
example to the nations of the earth. Jonathan! we like your
amiability; we esteem you as a keen fellow, who, large of trade, and
wise in the ways of a cheap government, may well boast a happy people:
bridle, then, the audacity of that southern ambition, lest it betray
you into unforseen difficulties. Let peace be the guardian of that
commerce now teeming its grandeur and wealth on your shores; and in
all kindness, Mr. Pierce, do we speak, when we say,--look to those
_things_ you send into foreign lands to represent the quiet grandeur
of our institutions: send the gentleman whose conduct may be a means
to great ends, for ruffians leave their little stains behind.''
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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