The Adventures of My Cousin SmoothTempleton, Timothy
General
The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth
Templeton, Timothy
Pierce, Franklin, 1804-1869 -- Humor; United States -- Politics and government -- 1853-1857
"'I'll take the chance,' ejaculated John, and down came the other
head. His countenance, you may be assured, wore a singular
seriousness. The truth was, that John always had one strong idea in
his head, and made a strong effort to keep that one straight, to the
sacrifice of all the rest. Acting upon that axiom that so stimulated
the wood-sawyer who expected to be President of the United States in a
very few years, we cut away the fastenings, and having ascended high
among the clouds, sailed from the mist heavenward to the blue arch
above. Our position was not the most firm; but as Young America had
the helm, and rather courted than feared danger, the result could not
be doubted. Now and then Mr. John looked somewhat stern of
countenance, and turned pale when I crowded the charcoal. 'Be careful,
Smooth,' he lisped now and then, grasping my arm as he took a look
below--'Be careful; you know what a go-ahead sort of lot you are.
Your party would think nothing of going to the d----l, if it were only
with steam power.' It was indeed a dangerous position for large men
with small ideas; but as Young America was a small man with large
ideas, the case became reversed. Well, we headed square for
California, and proceeded at lightning speed, fast overtaking that old
slow coach of refulgent light that has made sentimental the wild
wisdom of the poet-world. Soon old Jacob's face loomed out upon its
broad disc, looking as good-natured as a Dutchman over a pot of lager
beer. My friend John seemed rather moody and dogged; however, we soon
got within hailing-distance; and having provided myself with a
speaking-trumpet--John having forgot his--I esteemed it good policy
to, in a social way, have a small quantity of talk with Jacob, who,
although a common sort of person, I felt assured must be well posted
on matters and things concerning manifest destiny. We were running bow
on, and at the moment I seized the trumpet for a blow, Jacob sung
out--'Good morning!' just like a free and easy citizen, who had sense
enough to be approached at any time without walling himself up in the
dignity of that thing called a duke. His voice was like thunder, with
reechoes for accents. 'Mind your helm!--you steer rather wild, there!'
he spoke.
"'Old feller! don't get into a pucker; there's not a mite of danger,'
I returned. 'Just hold up a little, and let us have a bit of a talk!'
"'Well, don't mind if I do,' good-naturedly returned the old man. So
we hooked on to his establishment,--laid her aback in the wind, and,
as the sailor would say, 'came to.'
"'Who are you, anyhow?' continued Jacob, getting up and shaking
himself.
"'Well, I'm Young America (Jacob shook his head, doubtfully, at the
name) and my friend here, is Cousin John, from across the water. We
are going to take a view of state affairs around this little globe of
ours, that we may report to General Pierce in particular.'
"'Then you're from the States down yonder?' rejoined the old man.
"'Just so!'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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