The Atlantic Monthly, Volume 11, No. 68, June, 1863: A Magazine of Literature, Art, and PoliticsVarious
Science
The Atlantic Monthly, Volume 11, No. 68, June, 1863: A Magazine of Literature, Art, and Politics
Various
American periodicals
They came to the river, she and Pen, where it bends through the gorge,
and sat down there under a ledge of sandstone, one groping finger of the
sunshine coming in to hold her freckled cheek and soft reddish hair.
They say the sun does shine the same on just and unjust; but he likes
best to linger, I know, on things wholesome and pure like this girl.
When Pen began to play "jacks" with the smooth stones on the shore, she
spread out her skirt for him to sit on,--to keep him close, hugging him
now and then, with the tears coming to her eyes: because she had seen
Paul an hour before, and promised all he asked. And Pen was the only
thing there of home, you know. And on this her wedding-day she loved
them all with a hungry pain, somehow, as never before. She was going
back to-morrow; she could work and help them just as before; and yet a
gulf seemed opening between them forever. She had been selfish and
petulant,--she saw that now; sometimes impatient with her old father's
trumpery rocks, or Lizzy's discontent; in a rage, often, at Joseph. Now
she saw how hardly life had dealt with them, how poor and bare their
lives were. _She_ might have made them warmer and softer, if she had
chosen. Please God, she would try, when she went home again,--wiping the
hot tears off, and kissing Pen's dismal face, until he rebelled. The
shadows were lengthening, the rock above her threw a jagged, black
boundary about her feet. When the sun was behind yon farthest hill she
was going back, up to the little church, with Pen; then she would give
herself to her master, forever.
Whatever feeling this brought into her soul, she kept it there silent,
not coming to her face as the other had done in blushes or tears. She
waited, her hands clutched together, watching the slow sinking of the
sun. Not even to Paul had she said what this hour was to her. She had
come a long journey; this was the end.
"I would like to be alone until the time comes," she had said, and had
left him. He did not know what he was to the girl; she loved him,
moderately, he thought, with a temperate appreciation that taunted his
hot passion. She did not choose that even he should know with what
desperate abandonment of self she had absorbed his life into hers. She
chose to be alone, shrinking, with a sort of hatred, from the vulgar or
strange eyes that would follow her into the church. In this beginning of
her new life she wanted to be alone with God and this soul, only kinsman
of her own. If they could but go, Paul and she, up into one of these
mountain-peaks, with Him that made them very near, and there give
themselves to each other, before God, forever!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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