The Autobiography of an Ex-Colored ManJohnson, James Weldon
General
The Autobiography of an Ex-Colored Man
Johnson, James Weldon
African American men -- Fiction; Racially mixed people -- Fiction
We did not stay at the "Club" very long, but went home to bed in order
to be up early the next day. We had no difficulty in finding work, and
my third morning in New York found me at a table rolling cigars. I
worked steadily for some weeks, at the same time spending my earnings
between the "crap" game and the "Club." Making cigars became more and
more irksome to me; perhaps my more congenial work as a "reader" had
unfitted me for work at the table. And, too, the late hours I was
keeping made such a sedentary occupation almost beyond the powers of
will and endurance. I often found it hard to keep my eyes open and
sometimes had to get up and move around to keep from falling asleep.
I began to miss whole days from the factory, days on which I was
compelled to stay at home and sleep.
My luck at the gambling table was varied; sometimes I was fifty to a
hundred dollars ahead, and at other times I had to borrow money from
my fellow workmen to settle my room rent and pay for my meals. Each
night after leaving the dice game I went to the "Club" to hear the
music and watch the gaiety. If I had won, this was in accord with my
mood; if I had lost, it made me forget. I at last realized that making
cigars for a living and gambling for a living could not both be
carried on at the same time, and I resolved to give up the cigar
making. This resolution led me into a life which held me bound more
than a year. During that period my regular time for going to bed was
somewhere between four and six o'clock in the mornings. I got up late
in the afternoons, walked about a little, then went to the gambling
house or the "Club." My New York was limited to ten blocks; the
boundaries were Sixth Avenue from Twenty-third to Thirty-third
Streets, with the cross streets one block to the west. Central Park
was a distant forest, and the lower part of the city a foreign land.
I look back upon the life I then led with a shudder when I think what
would have been had I not escaped it. But had I not escaped it, I
should have been no more unfortunate than are many young colored men
who come to New York. During that dark period I became acquainted with
a score of bright, intelligent young fellows who had come up to the
great city with high hopes and ambitions and who had fallen under the
spell of this under life, a spell they could not throw off. There
was one popularly known as "the doctor"; he had had two years in the
Harvard Medical School, but here he was, living this gas-light life,
his will and moral sense so enervated and deadened that it was
impossible for him to break away. I do not doubt that the same thing
is going on now, but I have sympathy rather than censure for these
victims, for I know how easy it is to slip into a slough from which it
takes a herculean effort to leap.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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