Their mothers saw them pale and wan, Maternal anguish tore each breast, And so they met to find a plan To set their offsprings' minds at rest. Said MRS. HANCE, "Of course I shrinks From bloodshed, ma'am, as you're aware, But still they'd better meet, I thinks." "Assurément!" said MADAME PIERRE. [Illustration] A sunny spot in sunny France Was hit upon for this affair; The ground was picked by MRS. HANCE, The stakes were pitched by MADAME PIERRE. Said MRS. H., "Your work you see-- Go in, my noble boy, and win." "En garde, mon fils!" said MADAME P. "Allons!" "Go on!" "En garde!" "Begin!" Loud sneered the doughty man of France, "Ho! ho! Ho! ho! Ha! ha! Ha! ha!" "The French for 'Pish!'" said THOMAS HANCE. Said PIERRE, "L'anglais, Monsieur, pour 'bah!'" Said MRS. H., "Come, one! two! three!-- We're sittin' here to see all fair"; "C'est magnifique!" said MADAME P., "Mais, parbleu! ce n'est pas la guerre!" [Illustration] "Je scorn un foe si lâche que vous," Said PIERRE, the doughty son of France. "I fight not coward foe like you!" Said our undaunted TOMMY HANCE. "The French for 'Pooh!'" our TOMMY cried. "L'anglais pour 'Va!'" the Frenchman crowed. And so, with undiminished pride, Each went on his respective road. [Illustration] THE ROVER'S APOLOGY Oh, gentlemen, listen, I pray; Though I own that my heart has been ranging, Of nature the laws I obey, For nature is constantly changing. The moon in her phases is found, The time and the wind and the weather, The months in succession come round, And you don't find two Mondays together. Consider the moral, I pray, Nor bring a young fellow to sorrow, Who loves this young lady to-day, And loves that young lady to-morrow! You cannot eat breakfast all day, Nor is it the act of a sinner, When breakfast is taken away, To turn your attention to dinner; And it's not in the range of belief That you could hold him as a glutton, Who, when he is tired of beef, Determines to tackle the mutton. But this I am ready to say, If it will diminish their sorrow, I'll marry this lady to-day, And I'll marry that lady to-morrow! [Illustration] [Illustration] A DISCONTENTED SUGAR BROKER A gentleman of City fame Now claims your kind attention; West India broking was his game, His name I shall not mention; No one of finely pointed sense Would violate a confidence, And shall _I_ go And do it? No. His name I shall not mention.