The spectre showed himself, alone, To do his ghostly battling, With curdling groan and dismal moan And lots of chains a-rattling! But no--the chiel's stout Gaelic stuff Withstood all ghostly harrying, His fingers closed upon the snuff Which upwards he was carrying. For days that ghost declined to stir, A foggy, shapeless giant-- For weeks that splendid officer Stared back again defiant! Just as the Englishman returned The goblin's vulgar staring, Just so the Scotchman boldly spurned The ghost's unmannered scaring. For several years the ghostly twain These Britons bold have haunted, But all their efforts are in vain-- Their victims stand undaunted. Unto this day the imp and ghost (Whose powers the imp derided) Stand each at his allotted post-- The bet is undecided. [Illustration] THE MAGNET AND THE CHURN A Magnet hung in a hardware shop, And all around was a loving crop Of scissors and needles, nails and knives, Offering love for all their lives; But for iron the Magnet felt no whim, Though he charmed iron, it charmed not him, From needles and nails and knives he'd turn, For he'd set his love on a Silver Churn! His most æsthetic, Very magnetic Fancy took this turn-- "If I can wheedle A knife or needle, Why not a Silver Churn?" And Iron and Steel expressed surprise, The needles opened their well-drilled eyes, The pen-knives felt "shut up," no doubt, The scissors declared themselves "cut out," The kettles they boiled with rage, 'tis said, While every nail went off its head, And hither and thither began to roam, Till a hammer came up--and drove it home. While this magnetic Peripatetic Lover he lived to learn, By no endeavour, Can Magnet ever Attract a Silver Churn! [Illustration] [Illustration] KING BORRIA BUNGALEE BOO KING BORRIA BUNGALEE BOO Was a man-eating African swell; His sigh was a hullaballoo, His whisper a horrible yell-- A horrible, horrible yell! Four subjects, and all of them male, To BORRIA doubled the knee, They were once on a far larger scale, But he'd eaten the balance, you see ("Scale" and "balance" is punning, you see). There was haughty PISH-TUSH-POOH-BAH. There was lumbering DOODLE-DUM-DEH. Despairing ALACK-A-DEY-AH, And good little TOOTLE-TUM-TEH-- Exemplary TOOTLE-TUM-TEH. One day there was grief in the crew, For they hadn't a morsel of meat, And BORRIA BUNGALEE BOO Was dying for something to eat-- "Come, provide me with something to eat!