Beware the pine-tree's fibrous heart! But this gave Crook his fiscal start, And now a tall, pine shaft is seen Above Crook's grave; 'tis evergreen-- Excelsior! HER AND HIM HER To-day's her birthday: I'll not say which one,-- But I have known her twenty years or more When courtship days were joyously begun, And she had reached her sixteenth year, before. And so her age is no concern of mine: She may have dropped a birthday now and then, But surely she's improved with age like wine: I wouldn't wish her in her _teens_ again. And she's my Pal! O, yes, we love, of course! But feel, besides, the joy of comradeship That finds expression at Love's very source In language of the heart--not of the lip. And so she is my everlasting pride: To Beauty's very pinnacle she's grown! Thru life we'll seek our pleasures side by side; Her heart athrob with love for me alone. HIM O, yes! we're splendid friends, Old Jack and I: He's growing grave and wrinkles now appear Where once the smiles his cheeks were wont to ply. He's losing all his energy, I fear. I married him some twenty years ago When dancing was a chief delight of his; But now alone I trip the Terpsic toe, For poor, old Jack has got the rheumatiz. He's aging fast: I see it every day! He's fat and short of breath, yet how he snores! His few remaining hairs are saffron-grey, For nicotine keeps oozing from his pores. He seems so childish, but I humor him Altho my friends declare I'm such a dunce. Wrinkled, rheumatic; bare of brains and vim-- Good-bye, Old Jack! You were a good one _once_! THE PHILOSOPHY OF LIVING