[_Calling to_ BERTRAM _again_.] I'm in the throes of tying a bow, old man. Sit down. [BERTRAM, _glaring at the bedroom door, remains standing_.] O'ho, that's fine! Ha, ha, ha! I warn you, I'm an overpowering swell to-night. A new suit of clothes, Bertram, devised and executed in less than thirty-six hours! And a fit, sir; every item of it! You'll be green with envy when you see this coat. I'm ready for you. Handkerchief--? [_Shouting._] John--! Oh, here it is! [_Switching off the light in the bedroom and appearing, immaculately dressed, in the doorway._] Behold! [_Closing the door and advancing to_ BERTRAM.] How are you, Bertram? [BERTRAM _refuses_ PHILIP's _hand by putting his own behind his back_. PHILIP _raises his eyebrows_.] Oh? [_A pause._] Anything amiss? [_Observing_ BERTRAM's _heated look_.] You don't look well, Filson. BERTRAM. [_Breathing heavily._] No, I'm not well--I mean t'say, I'm sick with indignation---- PHILIP. What about? BERTRAM. You've attempted to play us all a rascally trick, Mackworth; a low, scurvy, contemptible---- PHILIP. [_Frowning._] A trick? BERTRAM. I've just come from Mr. Dunning--a man I've thought it my duty to employ in the interests of my family--Sillitoe and Dunning, the private-inquiry people---- PHILIP. Private-inquiry people? BERTRAM. Dunning rang me up an hour ago, and I went down to him. The discovery wasn't clinched till this afternoon---- PHILIP. The discovery? BERTRAM. [_Derisively._] Ho! This precious book of yours--"The Big Drum"! A grand success, Mackworth! PHILIP. [_Perplexed._] I don't---- BERTRAM. "The Big Drum"! Wouldn't "The Big Fraud" be a more suitable title, I mean t'say? PHILIP. Fraud? BERTRAM. Reached its twenty-fifth thousand, and the demand still continues! You and Mr. what's-his-name--Titterton--ought to be publicly exposed, Mackworth; and if we were in the least spiteful and vindictive---- PHILIP. [_Tightening his lips._] Are you sober, Filson? BERTRAM. Now, don't you be insolent, because it won't answer. [PHILIP _winces, but restrains himself._] The question is, what are we to do _to-night_--for Ottoline's sake, I mean t'say. We must spare her as much shock and distress as possible. I assume you've sufficient decency left to agree with me there. My father and mother too--they're quite ignorant of the steps I've been taking---- PHILIP. [_Controlling himself with difficulty._] My good fellow, will you condescend to explain----? BERTRAM.