The new life was no happier than the old. He was weary of vigils and
fasts, weary of studies and penances, weary of prayers and sermons.
He felt like a slave in a treadmill. He knew that he must go on. His
honour, his conscience, his sense of duty, bound him. He could not go
back to the old careless pagan life again; for something had happened
within him which made a return impossible. Doubtless he had found the
true religion, but he had found it only as a task and a burden; its joy
and peace had slipped away from him.
He felt disillusioned and robbed. He sat beside his hard couch, waiting
without expectancy for the gray dawn of another empty day, and hardly
lifting his head at the shouts of his friends.
“Come down, Hermas, you sluggard! Come down! It is Christmas morn.
Awake, and be glad with us!”
“I am coming,” he answered listlessly; “only have patience a moment. I
have been awake since midnight, and waiting for the day.”
“You hear him!” said his friends one to another. “How he puts us all to
shame! He is more watchful, more eager, than any of us. Our master, John
the Presbyter, does well to be proud of him. He is the best man in our
class.”
While they were talking the door opened and Hermas stepped out. He was
a figure to be remarked in any company--tall, broad-shouldered,
straight-hipped, with a head proudly poised on the firm column of the
neck, and short brown curls clustering over the square forehead. It was
the perpetual type of vigorous and intelligent young manhood, such as
may be found in every century among the throngs of ordinary men, as if
to show what the flower of the race should be. But the light in his
eyes was clouded and uncertain; his smooth cheeks were leaner than they
should have been at twenty; and there were downward lines about his
mouth which spoke of desires unsatisfied and ambitions repressed. He
joined his companions with brief greetings,--a nod to one, a word to
another,--and they passed together down the steep street.
Overhead the mystery of daybreak was silently transfiguring the sky. The
curtain of darkness had lifted along the edge of the horizon. The ragged
crests of Mount Silpius were outlined with pale saffron light. In the
central vault of heaven a few large stars twinkled drowsily. The great
city, still chiefly pagan, lay more than half-asleep. But multitudes of
the Christians, dressed in white and carrying lighted torches in their
hands, were hurrying toward the Basilica of Constantine to keep the new
holy-day of the church, the festival of the birthday of their Master.
The vast, bare building was soon crowded, and the younger converts, who
were not yet permitted to stand among the baptised, found it difficult
to come to their appointed place between the first two pillars of the
house, just within the threshold. There was some good-humoured pressing
and jostling about the door; but the candidates pushed steadily forward.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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