The Blunders of a Bashful ManVictor, Metta Victoria Fuller
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The Blunders of a Bashful Man
Victor, Metta Victoria Fuller
Humorous stories; Young men -- Fiction
While she giggled and pretended to cough the old gentleman came in
sight, puffing and blowing like a porpoise, and looking very warm. He
told me he was "doing the mountains" for his daughter's health, and
that they were going on to California to spend the winter; ending by
stating that he was thirsty too, and so fatigued with his climb that
he would be obliged to me if I would add a stick in his, if I had it.
Now I kept a little whisky for medicine, and I was only too anxious to
oblige the girl's father, so I darted into the cabin again and brought
out one of the two bottles which I owned--two bottles, just alike, one
containing whisky, the other kerosene. In my confusion I--well, I was
very hospitable, and I added as much kerosene as there was water; and
when he had taken three large swallows, he began to spit and splutter;
then to groan; then to double up on the hard rock in awful
convulsions. I smelled the kerosene, and I felt that I had murdered
him. It had come to this at last! My bashfulness was to do worse than
urge me to suicide--it was to be the means of my causing the death of
an estimable old gentleman--her father! She began to cry and wring her
hands. As yet she did not suspect me! She supposed her father had
fallen in a fit of apoplexy.
"If he dies, I will allow her always to think so," I resolved.
My eyes stuck out of my head with terror at what I had done. I was
rooted to the ground. But only for a moment. Remorse, for once, made
me self-possessed. I remembered that I had salt in the cabin. I got
some, mixed it with water, and poured it down his throat. It had the
desired effect, soon relieving him of the poisonous dose he had
swallowed.
"Ah! you have saved my papa's life!" cried the young lady, pressing my
trembling hand.
"Saved it!" growled old Cresus, as he sat up and glared about. "Let
him alone, Imogen! He tried to poison and murder me, so as to rob me
after I was dead, and keep you prisoner, my pet. The scoundrel!"
"It was all a mistake--a wretched mistake!" I murmured.
He wouldn't believe me; but he was too ill to get up, as he wanted. I
tried to make him more comfortable by assisting him to a seat on my
keg of blasting powder.
As he began to revive a little, he drew a cigar from his pocket, and
asked me if I had a match. I had none; but there was a small fire
under my frying-pan, and I brought him a coal on a chip. Miss Imogen,
when she saw the coal on the chip, began to laugh again. That
embarrassed me. My nerves were already unstrung, and my trembling
fingers unfortunately spilled the burning ember just as the old
gentleman was about to stoop over it with his cigar. It fell between
his knees, onto the head of the keg, rolled over, and dropped plumb
through the bung-hole onto the giant-powder inside.
This cured me of my bashfulness for some time, as it was over a week
before I came to my senses.
CHAPTER XV.
HE BECOMES ACQUAINTED WITH A CHICAGO WIDOW.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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