The Blunders of a Bashful ManVictor, Metta Victoria Fuller
General
The Blunders of a Bashful Man
Victor, Metta Victoria Fuller
Humorous stories; Young men -- Fiction
I came to my senses in one of the bedrooms of the Shantytown Hotel.
There was only a partition between that and the other bedrooms of
brown cotton cloth, and as I slowly became conscious of things about
me, I heard two voices beyond the next curtain talking of my affairs.
"I reckon he won't know where the time's gone to when he comes to
himself ag'in. Lucky for him he didn't go up, like the old gentleman,
in such small pieces as to never come down. I don't see, fur the life
of me, what purvented. He was standin' right over the kag on which the
old chap sot. Marakalous escape, that of the young lady. Beats
everything."
"You bet, pardner, 'twouldn't happen so once in a thousand times. You
see, she was jist blowed over the ledge an' rolled down twenty or
thirty feet, an' brought up on a soft spot--wa'n't hurt a particle.
But how she does take on about her pop! S'pose you knew her brother's
come on fur her?"
"No."
"Yes; got here by the noon stage. They're reckoning to leave
Shantytown immegitly. Less go down and see 'em off!"
They shuffled away.
I don't know whether my head ached, but I know my heart did. I was a
murderer. Or, if not quite so bad as a deliberate murderer, I was, at
the very least, guilty of manslaughter. And why? Because I had not
been able to overcome my wicked weakness. I felt sick of life, of
everything--especially of the mines.
"I can never return to the scene of the accident," I thought.
I groaned and tossed, but it was the torture of my conscience, and not
of my aching limbs. The doctor and others came in.
"How long shall I have to lie here?" I asked.
"Not many days; no bones are broken. Your head is injured and you are
badly bruised, that's all. You must keep quiet--you must not excite
yourself."
Excite myself! As if I could, for one moment, forget the respectable
old capitalist whom I had first poisoned and then blown into ten
thousand pieces through my folly. I had brain fever. It set in that
night. For two weeks I raved deliriously; for two weeks I was doing
the things I ought not to have done--in imagination. I took a young
lady skating, and slipped down with her on the ice, and broke her
Grecian nose. I went to a grand reception, and tore the point lace
flounce off of Mrs. Grant's train, put my handkerchief in my saucer,
and my coffee-cup in my pocket. I was left to entertain a handsome
young lady, and all I could say was to cough and "Hem! hem!" until at
last she asked me if I had any particular article I would like hemmed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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