The Booming of Acre Hill, and Other Reminiscences of Urban and Suburban LifeBangs, John Kendrick
General
The Booming of Acre Hill, and Other Reminiscences of Urban and Suburban Life
Bangs, John Kendrick
City and town life -- Fiction; Suburban life -- Fiction
"Lamps," said Thaddeus, clutching like a drowning man at the one
emolument of the coveted office.
Mrs. Perkins gazed at her husband anxiously. The answer was so
unexpected and seemingly so absurd that she for a moment feared he had
lost his mind. The notion that two years' service in so important an
office as that of Mayor of Dumfries Corners received as its sole reward
nothing but lamps was to her mind impossible.
"Is--is there anything the matter with you, dear?" she asked, placing
her hand on his brow. "You don't seem feverish."
"Feverish?" snapped the leader of his party. "Who said anything about my
being feverish?"
"Nobody, Teddy dear; but what you said about lamps made me think--made
me think your mind was wandering a trifle."
"Oh--that!" laughed Perkins. "No, indeed--it's true. They always give
the Mayor a pair of lamps. Some of them are very swell, too. You know
those wrought-iron standards that Mr. Berkeley has in front of his
place?"
"The ones at the driveway entrance, on the bowlders?"
"Yes."
"They're beauties. I've always admired those lamps very much."
"Well--they are the rewards of Mr. Berkeley's political virtue. I paid
for them, and so did all the rest of the tax-payers. They are his
Mayor's lamps, and if I'm elected I'll have a pair just like them, if I
want them like that."
"Oh, I do hope you'll get in, Teddy," said the little woman, anxiously,
after a reflective pause. "They'd look stunning on our gate-posts."
"I don't think I shall have them there," said Thaddeus. "Jiggers has the
right idea, seems to me--he's put 'em on the newel-posts of his front
porch steps."
"I don't suppose they'd give us the money and let us buy one handsome
cloisonné lamp from Tiffany's, would they?" Mrs. Perkins asked.
"A cloisonné lamp on a gate-post?" laughed Perkins.
"Of course not," rejoined the lady. "You know I didn't mean any such
thing. I saw a perfectly beautiful lamp in Tiffany's last Wednesday, and
it would go so well in the parlor--"
"That wouldn't be possible, my dear," said Thaddeus, still smiling.
"You don't quite catch the idea of those lamps. They're sort of like the
red, white, and blue lights in a drug-store window in intention. They
are put up to show the public that that is where a political
prescription for the body politic may be compounded. The public is
responsible for the bills, and the public expects to use what little
light can be extracted from them."
"Then all this generosity on the public's part is--"
"Merely that of the Indian who gives and takes back," said Thaddeus.
"And they must be out-of-doors?" asked Mrs. Perkins. "If I set the
cloisonné lamp in the window, it wouldn't do?"
"No," said Thaddeus. "They must be out-of-doors."
"Well, I hope the nasty old public will stay there too, and not come
traipsing all over my house," snapped Mrs. Perkins, indignantly.
And then for a little time the discussion of the Mayor's lamps stopped.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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