The Chequers: Being the Natural History of a Public-House, Set Forth in; a Loafer's DiaryRunciman, James
General
The Chequers: Being the Natural History of a Public-House, Set Forth in; a Loafer's Diary
Runciman, James
England -- Social conditions -- 19th century -- Fiction
The notion of Jerry's dwelling calmly with his aunt and his sister was
very touching, and my curiosity was roused. The aunt turned out to be a
placid woman with a low voice; the sister was too florid and loud for my
fancy. We played at whist, and in the intervals between the games we
tested Jerry's wine. He has a singularly good selection. The florid
nymph was reserved and coy at first, but as the wine mounted she rather
astonished me by her choice of expletives. The merry one had become
business-like, and that sweet smile was gone. As I looked at him I
gradually understood that I had once more made a fool of myself, and I
vowed that if I got out safely I would go to The Chequers no more.
Over-confidence is a bad fault in a prize-fighter: it is worse than that
in the case of a man who wishes to hold his own among London sharps.
Blackey had the best of me, and now I was in for a much worse business,
Jerry the Amiable drank ostentatiously, and he was evidently priming
himself; the sister waxed effusive, and the aunt took care that the
points were steadily increased. In the early morning the Amiable
suggested that I should stay, but I would not have slept under the same
roof with him for gold. He then ordered his relatives off to bed, and
they slunk away rather like dogs than ladies. Jerry was a masterful man.
When all was quiet I rose to take my hat, whereupon Jerry remarked,
"You're not going that way, are you?"
"Must go home before it's too light."
"You'll have another drink?"
"No."
"But you will!"
The Amiable was really extremely exacting.
"Thanks. Good morning."
Jerry locked the door, and put his back to it. Then he softly said,
"You've come home and taken my liquor; you flirt with my sister, and
you're going away without leaving so much as a bit of gold. I'm not such
a fool as Blackey. I know your aunt. I can send a newspaper to her
address, and cook _your_ goose. Suppose I make a row. I can do that, and
we'll both be taken up for brawling outside a house of ill-fame. It
won't matter to me; I'm used to it. But you'll be spoofed. Now, share up
with an old pal, and I'll keep dark."
I had contrived to edge away from him, and I had time to produce the
detestable firearm in a leisurely way.
"You're very kind, Jerry, my lad. I'll stay at this side of the room,
and I shan't fire so long as you keep still. If you try to strike or put
your hand in your pocket I shall pull on you; If you care to raise your
arms over your head and move to the right-hand corner of the room I'll
go quietly."
Jerry reckoned up all the chances and finally edged away from the door.
"Hands up, Jerry."
He obeyed, and I escaped into the street. Jerry is a coward at bottom,
or he might have known that I dare not fire.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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