The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
Harold, who had come to London, left town by night for the Sussex coast,
and halted at Battle, where the English forces kept it up for two or
three days and nights with Bongs and revelry. At length, on Saturday,
the 14th of October, William gave the word to advance, when a gigantic
Norman, called Taillefer, who was a minstrel and a juggler, went forward
to execute a variety of tricks, such as throwing up his sword with one
hand and catching it with the other; balancing his battle-axe on the
tip of his chin; standing on his head upon the point of his spear, and
performing other feats of pantomimic dexterity. He next proceeded to
sing a popular ballad, and having asked permission to strike the first
blow, he succeeded in making a tremendous hit; but some one happening to
return the compliment, he was very soon quieted. The men of London, who
formed the bodyguard of Harold, made a snug and impenetrable barrier
with their shields, under which they nestled very cosily. *
* Some of them, who were buried under their bucklers, may
have been inhabitants of Bucklersbury, which may have
derived its name from the practice we have described.
From nine in the morning till nine in the afternoon the Normans
continued watching for the English to emerge from under their shields,
as a cat waits for a mouse to quit its hiding-place. As the mouse
refuses to come to the scratch, so the Londoners declined to quit their
snuggery, until William had the happy idea of ordering his bowmen
to shoot into the air; and they were thus down upon the foe, with
considerable effect, by the falling of the arrows. Still the English
stood firm until William, by a pretended retreat, induced the soldiers
of Harold to quit their position of safety. Three times were the Saxon
snails tempted to come out of their shells by this crafty manouvre, but
their courage was still unshaken, until an arrow, shot at random, hit
Harold in the left eye, when his dispirited followers fled like winking.
The English king was carried to the foot of the standard, where a few of
his soldiers formed round him a little party of Protectionists. William
fought with desperate valour, and was advancing towards the banner, when
an English billman drew a bill which he made payable at sight on
the head of the Duke of Normandy. Fortunately the precious metal of
William's helmet was sufficient to meet the bill, which must otherwise
have crushed the Norman leader. Harold, whose spirit never deserted
him, observed with reference to the wound in his eye, that it was a bad
look-out, but he must make the best of it. At length he fell exhausted,
when the English having lost their banner, found their energies
beginning to flag, and William became the Conqueror.
BOOK II. THE PERIOD FROM THE NORMAN CONQUEST TO THE DEATH OF KING JOHN.
CHAPTER THE FIRST. WILLIAM THE CONQUEROR.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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