The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
* For further particulars of Henry's conduct, _vide_
Orderic, every prospect of the Conqueror being left in the
city of Rouen to be buried by the parish, when a few of the
clergy began to think of the funeral. The Archbishop ordered
that it should take place at St. Stephen's, in Caen, and
none of the family being present, the undertaker actually
came down upon a poor good-natured old knight, who had put
himself rather prominently forward as a sort of provisional
committee-man. How the affair was settled we are unable to
state, but we have it on the authority of Oderic, that when
the Bishop of Evreux had pronounced the panegyric, a man in
the crowd jumped up, declaring the Conqueror was an old
thief, and that he--the man in the crowd--claimed the ground
on which they were then standing. Many of the persons round
cheered him in his address, and the bishops, for the sake of
decency, paid out the execution from the Conqueror's grave
for sixty shillings.
To think of an iron chest at such a moment proved the possession of a
heart of steel; and William, the elder son, was nearly as bad, for
he hastened to England to look after the crown before his father had
expired.
It was on the 9th of September, 1087, that the Conqueror died, and his
last faint sigh was the signal for a rush to the door, in which priests,
doctors, and knights joined with furious eagerness. In vain did a
diminutive bishop ask a stalwart warrior "where he was shoving to?" and
the expostulations of a prim doctor to the crowd, entreating them to
keep back, as there was "plenty of time," were utterly disregarded. The
scene resembled that which may be witnessed occasionally at the pit door
of the Opera, for the whole of William's attendants were eager to get
home for the purpose of being early in securing either some place or
plunder. The inferior servants of the royal robber--like master, like
man--commenced rifling the king's trunks and drawers of all the cash,
jewels, and linen. There seemed scarcely more than it deserves, for
there is no doubt that he was cruel, selfish, and unprincipled. It is,
however, a curious fact, that what receives blacking from one age gets
polished by the next: and this may account for the brilliance that has
been shed in this country over the name of one who introduced the feudal
system, the Game Laws, and other evils, the escape from which has been
the work of many centuries. Though a natural son, he was an unnatural
father, and the result was, that being an indifferent parent, his
children became also indifferent. He had a violent temper, and was such
a brutal glutton that he aimed a blow at Fitz-Osborne, his steward, for
sending to table an under-done crane, when Odo interfered to check
his master's violence. Of his personal appearance we have an authentic
record in a statue placed against one of the pillars of the church of
St.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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