The Comic History of RomeÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of Rome
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Rome -- History -- Humor; Wit and humor, Pictorial
By courage and strength Horatius prevailed over every obstacle, and
Cocles owed to the cockles of his heart, as well as to the muscles of
his body, the happy results of his hazardous experiment. To recompense
him for his risk by water, the grateful nation gave him a large portion
of land, and erected his statue in the Comitium, a portion of the Forum
from which orators were in the habit of holding forth, and where the
figure of Horatius was placed to speak for itself to the populace.
Though the enemy was kept out of the city, the Romans were kept in,
while provisions were growing shorter and shorter every day--a sort of
growth that led of course to a constant diminution. Such was the
gratitude of the citizens to Horatius, that they subscribed to give him
always as much as he could eat; and although the fact involves a pun we
abominate, we are obliged to state the truth, that, in order to give him
his desert, many went without their dinners.
The Romans had declared they would hold out to the last, and though they
were left with scarcely any food, though they might have at once
procured it, had they consented to eat their own words, they declined to
satisfy their hunger by such a humiliating process. All hope of saving
the city being apparently lost, the senate entered into an agreement
with one Caius Mucius, who could talk a little Tuscan, and who undertook
to go across the water for the purpose of killing Porsenna. Mucius
disguised himself in an Etrurian helmet--a sort of Tuscan bonnet--and
with a sword concealed under the folds of his ample Roman wrap-rascal,
he arrived at Porsenna's camp, just as the salaries were being paid to
the soldiers. While the troops were intent on drawing their pay, Mucius
slily drew his sword, and seeing an individual rather handsomely
dressed, rushed upon him to administer to him, with the weapon, a most
unhandsome dressing.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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