The Complete Short Works of Georg EbersEbers, Georg
General
The Complete Short Works of Georg Ebers
Ebers, Georg
German fiction -- Translations into English
In spite of the veil which floated around the stately figure of the
grieving mother, she could see her bosom rise and fall with her sobs of
anguish. Kuni's compassionate heart made it impossible for her to watch
this sorrow longer, and, covering her face with her hands, she turned
her back upon the procession and, weeping aloud, limped away as fast as
her injured foot would let her. Meanwhile she sometimes said to herself
that she was the worst of all sinners because she had cursed the dead
girl and called down death and destruction upon her head, sometimes she
listened to the voice within, which told her that she had no reason
to grieve over Juliane's death, and completely embitter her already
wretched life by remorse and self-accusations; the dead girl was the
sole cause of her terrible fall. But the defiant rebellion against
the consciousness of guilt, which moved her so deeply, always ceased
abruptly as soon as it raised its head; for one fact was positive, if
the curse she had called down upon the innocent child, who had done her
no intentional wrong, had really caused Juliane's end, a whole life was
not long enough to atone for the sin which she had committed. Yet what
atonement was still in her power, after the death which she had summoned
had performed its terrible work of executioner?
"Nothing, nothing at all!" she said to herself angrily, resolving, as
she had so often done with better success, to forget what had happened,
cast the past into oblivion, and live in the present as before. But ere
she could attempt to fulfil this determination, the image of the tall,
grief-bowed figure of the woman who had called Juliane her dear child
rose before her mind, and it seemed as if a cold, heavy hand paralyzed
the wings of the light-hearted temperament which had formerly borne her
pleasantly over so many things. Then she told herself that, in order
not to go to perdition herself, she must vow, sacrifice, undertake
everything for the salvation of the dead girl and of her own heavily
burdened soul. For the first time she felt a longing to confide her
feelings to some one. If Lienhard had been within reach and disposed
to listen to her, he would have understood, and known what course to
advise.
True, the thought that he was not looking at her when she took the fatal
leap still haunted her. He could not have showed more offensively how
little he cared for her--but perhaps he was under the influence of
a spell; for she must be something to him. This was no vain
self-deception; had it not been so, would he have come in person to her
couch of pain, or cared for her so kindly after the accident?
In the convent she had reached the conviction that it would be degrading
to think longer of the man who, in return for the most ardent love,
offered nothing but alms in jingling coin; yet her poor heart would not
cease its yearning.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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