English language -- Dictionaries -- Humor; English language -- Semantics -- Humor; Vocabulary -- Humor
IMPROVIDENCE, n. Provision for the needs of to-day from the revenues of
to-morrow.
IMPUNITY, n. Wealth.
INADMISSIBLE, adj. Not competent to be considered. Said of certain kinds
of testimony which juries are supposed to be unfit to be entrusted
with, and which judges, therefore, rule out, even of proceedings before
themselves alone. Hearsay evidence is inadmissible because the person
quoted was unsworn and is not before the court for examination; yet the
most momentous actions, military, political, commercial, and of every
other kind, are daily undertaken on hearsay evidence. There is no
religion in the world that has any other basis than hearsay evidence.
Revelation is hearsay evidence; that the Scriptures are the word of
God we have only the testimony of men long dead whose identity is not
clearly established and who are not known to have been sworn in any
sense. Under the rules of evidence as they now exist in this country, no
single assertion in the Bible has in its support any evidence admissible
in a court of law. It cannot be proved that the battle of Blenheim ever
was fought, that there was such a person as Julius Cæsar, such an empire
as Assyria. But as records of courts of justice are admissible, it can
easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed
and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession)
upon which certain women were convicted of witchcraft and executed
was without a flaw; it is still absolutely unimpeachable. The judges'
decisions based on it were sound in logic and in law. Nothing in any
existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than the charges of
witchcraft and sorcery for which so many suffered death. If there are no
witches, human testimony and human reason are alike destitute of value.
INAUSPICIOUSLY, adv. In an unpromising manner, the auspices being
unfavorable. Among the Romans it was customary before undertaking any
important action or enterprise to obtain from the augurs, or state
prophets, some hint of its probable outcome; and one of their favorite
and most trustworthy modes of divination consisted in observing the
flight of birds----the omens thence derived being called auspices.
Newspaper reporters and certain miscreant lexicographers have
decided that the word--always in the plural--shall mean "patronage"
or "management"; as, "The festivities were under the auspices of the
Ancient and Honorable Order of Body-Snatchers"; or, "The hilarities were
auspicated by the Knights of Hunger."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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