English fiction -- 20th century; English wit and humor; Humorous stories, English; Short stories, English; Sports stories
"You're looking radiant," I said appreciatively; "but it may only be
because you're going to marry Billy next month."
She smiled and blushed. "Well, I'll send it to you," she said. "And
you try it for a week, and then tell me if you don't feel better.
Oh, and don't do all the exercises to begin with; start with three or
four of the easy ones."
"Of course," I said.
* * * * * * *
I undid the wrappings eagerly, took off the lid of the box, and was
confronted with (apparently) six pairs of braces. I shook them out
of the box and saw I had made a mistake. It was one pair of braces
for Magog. I picked it up, and I knew that I was in the presence of
the Hyperion. In five minutes I had screwed a hook into the bedroom
wall and attached the beautifier. Then I sat on the edge of the bed
and looked at it.
There was a tin plate, fastened to the top, with the word "LADIES" on
it. I got up, removed it with a knife, and sat down again.
Everything was very dusty, and I wondered when Adela had last
developed herself.
By-and-by I went into the other room to see if I had overlooked
anything. I found on the floor a chart of exercises, and returned
triumphantly with it.
There were thirty exercises altogether, and the chart gave
(1) A detailed explanation of how to do each particular exercise;
(2) A photograph of a lady doing it.
"After all," I reassured myself, after the first bashful glance, "it
is Adela who has thrust this upon me; and she must have known." So I
studied it.
Nos. 10, 15 and 28 seemed the easiest; I decided to confine myself to
them. For the first of these you strap yourself in at the waist,
grasp the handles, and fall slowly backwards until your head touches
the floor--all the elastic cords being then at full stretch. When I
had got very slowly halfway down, an extra piece of elastic which had
got hitched somewhere came suddenly into play, and I did the rest of
the journey without a stop, finishing up sharply against the towel
horse. The chart had said, "Inhale going down," and I was inhaling
hard at the moment that the towel horse and two damp towels spread
themselves over my face.
"So much for Exercise 10," I thought, as I got up. "I'll just get
the idea to-night, and then start properly to-morrow. Now for No.
15."
Somehow I felt instinctively that No. 15 would cause trouble. For
No. 15 you stand on the right foot, fasten the left foot to one of
the cords, and stretch it out as far as you can....
What--officially--you do then, I cannot say....
Some people can stand easily upon the right foot, when the left is
fastened to the wall ... others cannot ... it is a gift....
Having recovered from my spontaneous rendering of No. 15 I turned to
No. 28. This one, I realised, was extremely important; I would do it
twelve times.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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