(Did I mention that during all the time I had known her we had only
spent one other evening out of doors alone together? It had been more
than four years before, and we had heard a nightingale sing on Wimbledon
Common.)
I had not answered. To allow the memory of that other evening to
repossess her had seemed the best answer to make. For though we pack our
hearts daily with the stuff of life, only time shows us which is the
tinsel we have coveted, and which the lump we have not known to be gold.
More than four years had passed; presently those four years would have
opened her eyes to differences too; and so I had waited....
And, if not yet discovered, at any rate sudden and troubling new
questions had crowded into her eyes as I had watched. Another silence of
many minutes, then:
"We've been such friends up to now," she had faltered, as much to the
darkening evening as to myself.
"Need that mean 'No,' Evie?"...
"I don't know--it's so--strange--I never----"
I had drawn a little nearer.
"Never? Never once? You never once thought that perhaps----?"
Then once more had come the memories of that other evening, with the
unhappiness of another's bringing, and the comfort of my own. Night had
begun to creep under the trees, but the shadows but made zenith the
purer. On such evenings lovers vie with one another in looking for the
first star, but we were not lovers yet, and could see nothing save the
ash, now become grey, and away to the north the faint yellow haze of the
Bayswater Road. Evie's own figure had become dim until little of it had
showed but the handkerchief in her lap, the narrow white stripe of her
black and white blouse where her little black jacket parted, and, as at
last she had turned, the motion of her eyes.
"You don't want an answer now, Jeff," she had said quickly, immediately
dropping the eyes again.
But I had wanted my answer there and then.
"Now," I had replied as quickly as she, with I know not what grimness
and resolution mingled with my tenderness.
"Not now, Jeff--I'm fonder of you than of anybody--you know
that--but--but----"
But if her "buts" had included the vanished Kitty Windus, Archie
Merridew, or anything else from that four-year-old dustheap, I had
allowed them to avail her little. Over my heart too had come that
nightingale's song, heard by a still mere, and her hapless sobbing on my
breast because Life was harsh, and my own desperate struggle not to
clasp her there and then. Repression so powerful as that had been is not
given twice to a man, at any rate not to such a man as I; nor had I
thought that she, whose tremors were more eloquent than her speech, had
desired it either.... "Not now, Jeff--please--soon----" she had half
sobbed, shrinking as it were from the wonder of her own enlightenment;
and her handkerchief had fallen to the grass....
The next moment, in returning it to her, I had had her in my arms.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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