From where I sat I could see the vista of the party-room across the
passage, and Louie's eyes, as they met mine from time to time, had
something of the same soft sheen of the polished floor of that
apartment. She wore a navy blue skirt and plain white mercerised blouse
without collar or any other finish at the neck; and as we ate and talked
of this and that there rose in my mind again that surmise I had had when
Billy had told me, by the Whitestone Pond, that she had stopped sitting.
Nothing that I can describe happened to confirm that surmise, and yet
somehow I was conscious of the growing confirmation. It had begun when
she had twinkled and said, "How's Billy?" and a moment or two later,
when the two girls had stood poised in the doorway for dancing, she had
smiled and said, "Oh, _I_ don't dance." The twinkle about Billy had not
been lost on me; and when I tell you that the single dance of my own
life had been with her, years before, at a breaking-up party at the old
Business College, perhaps you can make a guess at the nature of my
surmise.
For I had read in those eyes of hers, on that night of the Berkeley
dinner, that she loved me and must go on loving me; and she herself had
said, in so many words, "It's nothing to do with you--you can't help
that." And now she had taken this fantastic resolution not to sit any
more. Whether I would have it so or not, she had a right in me, in
which, quite calmly and ordinarily, she now exulted. Yet had ever before
mortal woman exulted over anything less substantial? The whole thing
seemed to me both preposterously lovely and quite movingly absurd. She
had wheedled out of Billy that perfect sketch that had stood on his
easel that evening I had walked, unannounced, into his room opposite the
Cobden Statue. Why? What ridiculous and sacred tapers did she burn about
it? Billy must now paint her in costume or not at all. Why? Of what
beautiful and empty union was this a consummation? Did she seriously
intend that thenceforward no eye but mine---- But I waste words. You see
it or you don't see it. That, as near as makes no matter, appeared to be
how things stood between us, and there was nothing to tell me that she
was not happy in this beautiful lunacy. As for myself, I supposed I must
be content to be owned almost to the point of insult in possession.
"I'm just beginning to get used to it," I remember she said to me at one
stage of that evening--the thing she was just beginning to get used to
being sitting under the new conditions. "Did you know it was really
harder? Your clothes tingle on you, you know."
I mention this only to show that, since she might speak at her pleasure
of a thing of which I might not even recognise the existence, her
tyranny over me was pretty complete.
We had finished our chops, and I was wondering what she supposed my
reason for having sought her to be, when she herself put the direct
question. She put her plate on the floor so as to make room for her
elbows on the table.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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