"Well, put it another way. You see the frightful risk--to her. The
question is, ought it to be taken?"
For a moment those tourmalines of her eyes seemed to flicker, as if she
would have shown me again the abysses beyond them; but they remained
shut as she spoke more slowly still.
"That's not quite the question. Can you--go on--as you are doing? And
if you can't, what's the alternative?"
To that I had no answer to make.
Her cigarette had gone out, and her beautiful fingers were holding it
listlessly. All at once I found myself noticing the contrast between her
and the chattering group of models down the room. The girl with the
brown-paper parcel had approached a cupboard and taken out some
second-hand property or other of frayed velvet and torn gold: "It's
hardly worth re-making: I vote we cut it up," I heard her say. And I
wondered whether Louie had sat in the torn and tawdry thing--now that
she had been warned against chills. The giggling and the skiddle of
teacups went on, but Louie pressed her fingers on her eyeballs for a
moment. Perhaps it was this pressure that made them, when she looked up
again, seem dull and tired.
"At any rate, that's how it strikes me," she said.
She looked suddenly older--much older--so much older that it gave me a
pang. During my walk on the previous day I had told myself over and over
again that I must have made of her life also exactly what I had made of
my own--a fearful thing without trifles; but I had _had_ to tell myself,
if you appreciate what I mean. Now, to see it with my own eyes was
another matter. There was that other quantity, the quantity unknown to
me but drearily familiar enough to her, I didn't doubt--Kitty.... A
word of advice to those who contemplate the putting out of a life on
their own responsibility: When a woman, on a rainy night in St. James's
Park, or wherever and whenever, lets you look down into her soul, and
drops a plummet into your own, and asks you whether you are not a
murderer, and you no more dare to lie than you would dare a foulness in
the face of majesty, then do anything you like--fly from her, bite out
your tongue, kill her also--but for mere pity of her don't answer "Yes."
Don't, that is, unless you are sure that she will betray you. If you do,
depend on it she'll ask you to a Models' Club or somewhere, and the
horror of a life without trifles will come over you, and you'll see her
press her fingers on her eyeballs and then look up again, five years
older in as many minutes.
"What about Kitty?" I asked abruptly.
She answered quickly--too quickly: "Oh, Kitty's all right; you needn't
bother about Kitty; leave her to me. As a matter of fact she's been
awfully useful to me."
"How useful?"
"Oh, in quite the most material way," she said, with a short and
mirthless laugh. "That's not been pure philanthropy, I assure you. I
dare say you know----"
I did know that Kitty had perhaps a pound a week of her own money, from
some tramways out Edgbaston way.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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